Thursday, May 31, 2007

took a tumble

Normally I don't trip. Actually I'm a very good walker. I tend to always notice when things are on the floor, I'm good at paying attention to what's around me, I'm the one stepping OVER things instead of onto or tipping like Jonathan or the kids do. I'm proud of myself. But then there's the odd day….

Like last night. I was carrying Bryn downstairs and outside to join the others. I saw the rake, so I stepped over it. But somehow caught my foot on the stepping stone or something. I tried to steady myself, but just couldn't, and down came Mommy, baby and all.

It was quite traumatic. :( As I was falling, I just couldn't hold onto Bryn and he tumbled out onto the cement, and then I slammed into it, scraping open my knee badly and getting rock imprints onto my palm. I remember saying, "Oh golly!" when I let go of Bryn. What a thing to say, eh? LOL I guess it's better than swearing, but still! Jonathan came running to check on Bryn, who had landed onto his back, then rolled a bit against Jenn's flowerbeds. Bryn was screaming, but wasn't hurt, thankfully, so he was picked up and Jonathan looked him over. I resisted the urge to grab my baby back so the medically-trained first aid attendant could give me the okay. Of course, that took forever, and tears are welling up in my eyes, and finally I squeaked out, "would you just tell me if he's okay?"

He was. I took him, and snuggled, and he stopped screaming, then we went back inside, so I could hide in shame!!! I nearly broke my baby! Meanwhile, my knee is dripping blood! I had scraped it up pretty badly, ripping off several layers of skin. Eek! It looks pretty gross!

But we're all okay. Bryn had a red spot on his head and a wee bump, but nothing bad. His shoulder has a few scratches on it, but nothing too noticeable. Poor baby. My knee looks yucky, but I'll live! I've got it safely covered up with a big bandage.

But I sure felt horrible. MAN! It felt like I just threw the baby!!! Shame on me! It was funny though, b/c when Jenn came inside to check up on us, we were talking about it and then Bryn started up crying again as if he understood what we were talking about and was reliving the pain! Poor baby was just shaken up and scared, only a bit scratched up at least. What a night! Then on top of it, a few hours later, Bryn rolls out of bed onto the floor while he's sleeping! It just wasn't a good baby night!!!

Monday, May 28, 2007

interesting phone call

So Kai's Speech Therapist called today. She was going to call me "in a few weeks" …a while ago! That's okay, I forgot! LOL She said that Kai has been on her mind for a while now and she's been wondering how to go about his therapy and she even asked some co-workers for ideas, which I thought was good. She sees that she needs to back off a bit with her therapy direction, which may sound counter-productive, but seeing as he doesn't want to respond to her anymore, it makes sense to me! But she does want to increase our visits to once a week! Yay! About time!!!!! (I'm so relieved she brought it up, I didn't want to have to b/c I'm a wimp, lol) We'll see her for 6 straight weeks starting in a month, until she goes on vacation in July, then we'll meet up again in September. Hopefully we'll get a good response with 6 weeks.

I asked her about diagnosis and if we can look forwards to one, if there is one, and she wanted to know why I was asking. Was it for paperwork or anything? No, I am just curious. If he Does have Apraxia then I want to know what is the next step? Do we need to prepare for future things? Like school? Do we need to learn a new way of teaching him? Linda said that there isn't much difference involved with Apraxia and she has worked with children with that (and will be attending a conference on it in the fall) She wasn't too sure if we'd actually get a "diagnosis" or if there was one, which was annoying, but she did stress that we know he has a delayment and it is a confusing one and that he's had it all along. Actually, she was telling me about this one program with the government that I should apply for. It's a Child tax credit that is given if the child is "unspeaking" since birth, which he has been, (and Linda would sign the papers for proof for us) and we'd get a suppliment (how much I"m not too sure though) and it would go back all the way to his birth. How cool is that? :) I may get that new van!!! Okay, I"m being hopeful, but I thought it was interesting!

So that's that. Linda is still trying to figure out Kai. So am I! I told her about him saying "fff" and she was happy too. I'm so glad we're getting together weekly though! Phew!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

he's graduated!

Bryn saw the pediatrician yesterday and we were told that he's graduated and doesn't need to see him again! Yay! :) He was also weighed at 9kg, which is a bit less than what the scale said at the Public Health Unit, but that's okay. I think translated it is 19lbs 8oz. He's still a pound heavier than Kai at 9ms, and two over Abi! I'm happy still.

guess what? He's also jumped up Big time on the growth scale! He used to be below average (but still on the rate) but now he has jumped and is Average for height and weight. (I don't remember what his height was yesterday) I'm so pleased. It looks like he's definitely catching up to his peers, and that makes me happy. I have no worries for him.

Well, except for one… I mentioned his choking and gagging on pieces of food, and the ped mentioned how ther are two different kinds of gagging in an infant. They'll gag b/c they don't like the food and they'll gag b/c it just bothers him. He wanted to know if he has gagged on any foods that he typically likes, but the truth is, I haven't tried him on many foods at all! I'm nervous!!! So he wants me to cut up one of his faveourite foods (peaches) and see how he does. I'm scared he'll gag and choke again! Now, the pieces chopped up won't be too big to fit down his throat, but it's the whole idea of him gagging on foods that make me panic that he'll choke and will have trouble breathing and such! It's the protector in me!

But I tried small pieces of pancakes last night! Yum! He had them in his mouth and he was trying to figure it out if he liked them or not, lol. Eventually they came out onto his shirt with his silly tongue! It made me laugh! I didn't try again. I'll have to see what I can do tonight.

If we find out that he's gagging on foods he likes, then we will have to do a Barium Swollow on him to see if his reflux has caused damage to his throat and such. :( Poor baby. I'm worried it will come to that.

I guess the pediatrian is confident it's not that or he wouldn't have told us we didn't need to see him again! :) Oh, he also told me to tell the family to stop feeding Bryn! LOL He said how families will sometimes feed a baby constantly when they are on the underweight side to bring them up. Yeah, I can see that, but my family hasn't been too bad! Anyways, he wanted me to tell the family that we don't need to do that anymore! Okay? Got that everyone? Hahaha!

Pray that I can get him to eat chunkier foods soon. I'm worried it may be an oral sensory thing. He tends to gag easy. Maybe he has a sensitive gag reflex like his Daddy? But if it's a sensory thing, I just dread the idea of having him go through therapy to get him to eat and such. :( So sad. But I'm going to try not to jump ahead of myself here! Focus on small things, like finding foods to try!

Other than that, everything is normal and good and I'm happy! He is such a delight!

could he be? is it possible?

I think Kai is starting to 'get' the idea of potty training! I am shocked! And so delighted! He's starting to pay more attention to things, and this week, on his own, he put on a pair of his undies! (looking back, though, I think he did that because he was going to wear them as swimming trunks since he has outgrown his from last summer!) On Tuesday night, he was really interested in the Potty Book at bedtime. (that's a book that Auntie Jenn got for Abi when she was the same age, so it's written for girls, but it's the same idea for boys) There is a part in the story where the girl goes out to pick out her own underwear after using the potty, and Kai asks, "Lello?" He wanted to know if he could get his own yellow pair! Abi tried to tell him that boys don't wear yellow undies, but we said he could get whichever kind he wanted! (Well, within reason, LOL) And yesterday and today, he has told ME that he's poppy!!! I was so surprised!

I can smell that he needs to be changed, but usually every time I bring it up, he gets angry at me, as if I've wronged him!!! (roll eyes) But this time he came up to me and said, "I poppy" YAY!!! I'm so pleased! As I'm changing him, he says, "I poop poop!" LOL!

SO maybe he's starting to get ready! He'll be potty trained by September for school!!!! YAY!

It's funny b/c I've been so annoyed and frustrated by this whole thing. I knew that Abi didn't train until she was 3 1/2, so I figured that Kai would do the same, but I so badly wanted him done earlier! I was hoping he'd get it sooner. Silly me for being so concerned! *sigh* *blush*

OH! Another update on Kai… I did register him for preschool today. I decided that I should be able to make it back here on time. (I was actually talking to a girl who's son also attends Abi's K class, who used to live two doors down from me, and she said that she made it back for her other son's preschool class on time. That made me feel better.) So I did the phone registration this morning. (I was so worried I wouldn't get through, but had to keep reminding myself that if it didn't work out, it didn't, and I was going to let happen happen.) Kai is in a class for 3 & 4 year olds, with Teacher Michelle, on Tues & Thurs. Yay! I'm so happy. (so is Michelle!)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

preschool dilemna

This Thursday is registration for preschool and I have no idea what I'm going to do yet. Last year, I came 5 minutes after 11am (when registration started) and the class was booked up!!! And we were the 8th on the list for anyone dropping out! It's a good thing that Teacher Michelle decided to start a second Social Rec 3 this year, otherwise Kai would've been at home instead of making me cute crafts!

But this is our dilemma: Abi will be in grade one and going to school every day. Her school is a 20ms drive now, but the school is moving, so it could be at least 25-30ms drive there and back. Classes begin at 8:40am for her, so I drop her off and help her get situated, say goodbye and be gone. I zip back here and attempt to make it for Kai's preschool at 9:15am. Think I can make it? I should JUST make it, but it has taken me to 9:30am to return home before. Hmm…

So do we sign him up anyways and hope to get home in time? Or do we sign him up somewhere else? Jonathan would like him to stay with Teacher Michelle, though. But there is another Social Rec class in the afternoons from 11-1, but it only runs once a week. Hmm… Do we try that?

The other thought is that we sign him up for Pre-K. All the social rec classes are for 3 year olds, after all, and he'll be 4 in November. He's not ready for Pre-K, but we could always just put him into it two years, but if he's not ready, I don't want him to feel behind the other kids.

Then there is always a totally different school…but where? One closer to the house? We run into the problem of racing home in time. Closer to Abi's school? Then I'll be travelling all over. See, there is a preschool at Abi's elementary school, but then I'd be going into Langley and up the hill 4x a few times a week, back and forth, and that seems a bit much.


I need to figure this out by Thursday. If I'm not in to register him at the school he's at, he won't get in. The joys of using the Rec Centre; they fill fast!

I feel frustrated about this! I just don't know what to do!!! Jonathan has too much on his mind right now, so he can't help me out. I don't want to keep Kai home, but I don't know where he should go. Which makes the most sense for us. *sigh* I guess we just pray that a solution pops up this week!

he's so clever

Bryn had a visit from Michele from the Infant Development Program this morning. (she used to come and see Kai all last year, until he turned 3 and his case was closed. I think she came to see him for his FTT. It was all so silly. Well, now she's seeing Bryn b/c he was a preemie) I had to keep Kai home because of it though b/c she was going to come just before his class ended, so there wouldn't be much use sending him to preschool for an hour. (ok, maybe there would be, lol) But then she called and asked if she could come earlier, at 9:30am, so I could've sent Kai anyways, grr. Oh well.

Michele did an "ages and stages questionairre" on Bryn for 8 months old, which is sort of his corrected age. And I am proud to say he passed it with flying colours! He is way ahead of the "at-risk" cut off, so I am pleased. He's doing so well. He can roll over and sit up on his own, is using lots of sounds and consonants, can pick up small items. He seems to favor his left hand right now, which is interesting. I don't know if it will mean anything in the end, but my Dad and my nephew are lefties, so it's in the family. (I don't know why people get so concerned about children using their right hand. Or maybe I'm misinterpreting her interest. But it's always bothered me. Likely b/c of the horror stories Dad would imply when he had to switch to right handed in kindergarten.)

My little guy is doing so well. She will come back when he is a year old (which is coming up so soon, it's so bizarre!) and will do another A&S Questionnaire for a year old. (no age correction) I'm looking forwards to that! I know he'll do so well.

He's still puking daily, but it's only small spit up amounts. Sometimes it'll be a huge amount, but that's not too often. He sees the pediatrician tomorrow just for a follow up and I'm going to mention that and the fact that he gags and chokes on small food pieces. I can't give Bryn Cheerios or baby cookies yet. I've tried to, but he typically ends up gagging or coughing and choking as soon as it hits the back of his throat. I've seen on MWP that this is pretty typical with reflux babies, so I'm not too worried. I'll just take it slower. But I'll mention it anyways. I'm hoping it's not a oral sensory thing, but it could be hyperactive oral stimulation, Michele said. We'll see what Dr. Ward says tomorrow.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

rough day

Poor Bryn is not reacting well to his shots yesterday. He had a fever last night. It felt warmer than a "low grade" one, but couldn't tell b/c my thermometer doesn't work. (needs new batteries, how embarrassing!) Then I wake up and there's a wet spot on the bed… along with poop! He had diarreah (did I spell that right? I don't know why that word won't stick in my head for spelling! grr!) leak out his diaper! :( He had yellow diarreah two more times that morning, along with his fever. :( He just wanted me to hold him.

Then there was this afternoon. He wouldn't sleep long, then he'd spend the rest of the time just whining. Then then puking…. something he does in small amounts everyday, but today was puking more often and larger amounts!

*roll eyes*

I'd say he's had a *bit* of a reaction to his immunizations! Nothing major, of course. No spots or rashes or anything. But this is more than the others had. This didn't happen after his first shots either. Hmm… Coincidence? I don't know.

He had been crying off and on, wiggling, arching, and just generally being unhappy no matter what I did for about two hours, so I finally gave him some Mylanta Supreme to see if that would help. Maybe it's his reflux acting up, since he has been throwing up after each bottle today.
:{ He didn't settle down right away, but did fall asleep with a bottle half hour later.

Poor little guy.

I am tired and I am grumpy. I want to go to bed, but instead I'm sitting here updating you! :) I spent much of the day packing for our camping trip. That's not fun! But the kids and myself are all done, yay! Of course, after all my hard work today, I find out we're not leaving until noon. For some reason that bugged me! But I'm reminding myself that it means I can sleep in a bit (Jonathan will be home from work) and I can spend more time making sure the house is clean and we don't forget anything! :)

I was all excited about camping until I learned that it's supposed to rain this weekend. :( *pout* I'm not looking forwards to that at all! :( But maybe it won't. Maybe we'll be surprised and it will be nice and warm and the kids can play at the playground and we'll have lots of fun! I hope I have a camera that works….. I've been trying to charge Hunny's for four days now and it hasn't worked. Tonight we found out why: the charger case was broken and we didn't know that! :( Phooey. And for some reason the new batteries in my digital keep dying. I don't know if it's the camera or a seriously sucky box of batteries b/c I'll grab two new AAs and they'll die within 5 minutes, no lie! It's really making me angry!!! grr!!! So we'll see…

Well I'm off to bed. I need my beauty sleep (although I did try to send off this chain mail to 8 of my friends within 5 minutes so I won't be ugly for 10 years, so hopefully I did it correctly! I actually sent it to 10 friends, does that mean I get extra beauty points???)

If I don't get a chance to pop back in tomorrow, have a wonderful Long Weekend. (It's Victoria Day in Canada) I'll update you on the camping when I get back!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

he's HUGE

Well, Bryn FINALLY got in for immunizations again! YAY!! We are sooo behind. He should be at his 4th, I think, but he's only doing his seconds. Oh well, at least we're getting them done!
He had his *pnemococcal conjugate *meningococcal C conjugate *diptheria, pertussis, tetanus, polio, Hib *Heb B (whatever they all mean, lol) He did the shots SO well. I was impressed. Barely cried! (which surprised me)

He was also weighed–something I've been waiting and waiting for an opportunity to do! And I am SHOCKED!!! He is a whopping 19lbs 13oz!!!! And 27" long. Not bad for a 9ms old…or a 7ms old age adjusted preemie! I'm happy! You know the funny thing? He is the largest baby of mine! He is the heaviest at this age. How bizarre is that? LOL

I keep remembering how Kai was at 9ms old. That's when he started to not gain. Stayed at 18lbs for months and months, and the crazy pediatrician wanted to test for everything under the sun and it was so stressful. So very stressful. Finally, at 15 months, his heart condition was discovered and he gained a pound, woohoo! LOL
I think of Bryn and remember Kai and wonder what God has in store for us. I'm sure we can handle it, though! I'm just so pleased with everything so far. Bryn is such a blessing. So different in so many ways than the older two.

Monday, May 14, 2007

my goal for this week...

…is something incredibly "simple". I just want to get the kids to school. That's it. But, yet again, this morning, I slept in! We're supposed to get up at 7am and leave by 8am, getting three kids ready, dressed and fed in time for Abi's school across town. I didn't get up until 7:25, thinking it was maybe 5 after. Then when Abi was getting dressed, I laid on the couch and just did not have the energy to get up and make the kids get ready for school. Abi was okay with it. But I let her daddy think she went!!!

I feel so terrible about this. What is going on with me???? Why can't I seem to pull myself together??? I am at my wits end here. I feel like I've lost the plot!!! Is it my health or am I just in a bad habit? What is going on? I was looking through Kai's preschool papers and you know what I found out? He only went to school 2x in the month of April, and he's supposed to go 2x a week!!!!

I hate this. I really really do.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

happy Mother's day

Today is Mother's Day in North America and to tell you the truth, I've never been entirely comfortable with the idea that *I* got to celebrate it. I guess I've never felt 'motherly' or something. That I couldn't compare to My wonderful Mother. There was so much I could do to improve, you know? Then there's the whole feeling of not being able to believe you're actually a mother! I mean, how strange is that? It's one thing to have a baby and a little family, but to actually be included with the other mothers in the world? Are you serious??? It makes me feel…strange. Old. But this year I'm feeling much better about it. I guess it's because Abi is old enough to understand it better, so I can actually feel that it's something of HER ideas not just following along b/c Daddy tells them to.

This morning, Jonathan took both Abi & Kai out for Tim Horton's donuts & yogurt for breakfast with his Mom, so I got to sleep in. (and that was nice. When Bryn woke up at 1am for a bottle, he stayed awake until 2am, which was annoying!!! … I did keep hearing the silly clock radio this morning, though! I have it set to the radio instead of a buzz to wake me up. I was too tired to actually get up, so I fell in and out of sleep with it on! LOL) When they returned, they came into the room saying "Happy Mother's Day!" and Abi had this beautiful bouquet of flowers for me and Kai was carrying a gift bag with card. The gift I got was small but perfect! A new cutter blade and scoring blade for my trimmer!!! Yay! I need those! *grin* I feel so warm and blessed and thank God for what I have. I love my children. No doubt about it!

It's funny to think of today. Last year was so different. I was in a different place and full of grief still. I remember having a conversation with a friend about Mother's Day as she was in the same place. We both had children and a lot to feel thankful and blessed for, but our hearts were heavy with loss. We were both surrounded by friends who couldn't seem to have children and it was hard; we were a part of an online support group for women (and men) who had ectopic pregnancies. (I had two with my left tube being removed after the second) It was such a wonderful group for me to be a part of and I met some wonderful ladies and have made lasting friendships that mean the world to me. I am blessed to have found the group. But it's also hard to be reminded of why we were there. And Mother's Day is tough.

It's such a tragedy that on Mother's Day we forget those who ARE Mother's… but only in spirit. I am a mother of 5, even though I only have 3 on earth to show it. I have some friends who are mothers of only angels and I grieve for the pain they must feel when the world puts all this attention on physical mothers and children. What is a mother? Certainly not one who has a child to hold. It is anyone who has held one in her heart, who loved, cared, comforted, shared and molded with her love.

So to those mothers without someone to hold, I am thinking of you and knowing that God is holding you in his arms and comforting your broken hearts.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

got Kai to say something new!!!!

Yesterday, I managed to get Kai to say "fff"..the letter F!!!! I was holding him, being silly, and asked if he wanted me to go Faster and run!!! He said Yeah! But I told him he had to SAY it then!!! Of course, he can't, so I used the trick his ST used; FFFFFaster. Can you say Fff? Then I showed him to put his top teeth on his bottom lip and blow! HE DID IT!!!!! I was so gleeful! So off we took running!!!! He did it again that evening too, and then I overheard him going "fff" to himself at bedtime!!!!!! JOY!!!

I also got him to Sign the word "open" when he wanted some help opening something! I'm so pleased!!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

venting about speech....again

Yet again Kai didn't want to participate with his ST today. But this time he wouldn't even look at her! He had his back to her and wouldn't respond, just grumbled at her attempts to engage him. I was getting frustrated.

Linda was talking about how she really wants to work on him and get tougher b/c he's 3 1/2 and nothing! He's starting the age where he's going to make friends and it's going to be harder and the kids will just walk away if they can't communicate and we don't want that. Those were her words and it's hard to hear that. She's so right. This is what I've been frightened of all along! So this afternoon, as I was driving to go pick up Abi and Kai was sleeping in the car, I was thinking about this and wondering just what if he Doesn't get speech properly? What if this is more than something we can fix? I mean, what if he's in special needs in school? I mean, this boy is so beautiful. He's bright and fun. He's silly and energetic! I can't even begin to think of him not being able to make friends!!!!

I know, I'm very likely exaggerating or getting myself worked up (I know mom will say that, lol! ) but my mind wanders! I'm just feeling frustrated and crummy over this.

The ST said we need to frustrate him more. She wasn't able to bring me thr pictures b/c their copier broke down, but next time we get together she will. She suggested that if he "says" something…mumbles something that isn't a word, but I know what he's trying to say… to ask him, "did you want your shoes? or juice?" (give him two choices: one that is correct and one totally off) It'll get him to realize that there are different words.

I felt like giving up this afternoon. I guess in many ways I'm looking for a "quick" solution. Like a switch to turn on the language! I mentioned the Signing Time videos, but she hadn't seen them. I may have to look more into ASL for him. SOMETHING!!!!!

Sunday, May 6, 2007

month of doctors!

Phew, this is going to be a busy month! I have my own doctor's apt on Tuesday (hopefully I can find an answer for why I'm BEYOND tired), then Kai has another ST apt on Wednesday. I see my rheumatologist next week. (I'd better get that xray done, gleeps) and then Bryn has to seriously catch up on his immunizations (and hopefully I can weigh him, yay). The week after that is Bryn's follow up with the ped. He's still throwing up and choking daily, but he's doing well. I'm getting so used to it. We all are. We just wipe him up and that's that!

I'll keep everyone updated as things happen!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

kai's dental update

Got a call from Kai's dentist this evening. One week today (the 10th), Kai was supposed to go in for dental surgery at a special clinic, but after looking over his file and the doctor's notes and such, the anesthiologist has a few concerns. So now the surgery will be performed at the Children's Hospital in Vancouver. That is a good thing because they have a Great anesthiology team (according to the dentist) and cardiac ward (which we know about b/c we've been there before).

I'm relieved that they want to be extra cautious as I was a bit worried about the whole thing! I'm sure that it would've been fine with no problems, but you can't help but wonder if there will be any issues with putting him to sleep and his heart. Yes, he's doing really well and his cardiologist has given us the green light for many things, but as a mother you worry.

So, good news: we'll have it done at the hospital Just In Case. Bad News: our appointment will take a while due to wait list. Good News: we are near the top due to his heart condition! Bad News: we may not get in until August. Good News: the anesthia is covered at the hospital, so the near $700 we already pre-paid may be all returned to us!

I was so hoping that we wouldn't have to do this procedure on him anyways, but if it needs to be, I'd rather we do it now instead of waiting. The three front teeth of his have bad tooth decay behind them. They are all discoloured a dark yellow, so he'll be getting white fillings on them. I check them every few days and poke at them and he doesn't seem to mind, which tells me he isn't in any pain, which is a relief. Growing up with bad teeth has always been an embarrassment of mine, and if I could now I'd get braces still! Unfortunately that will likely never happen b/c now we have children to pay for! Oh well. You'd think I'd be used to them by now, but my severely croked front teeth still make me self conscious and I always wonder if people see them and only that or if that's how they remember me or what. Sad. :( So, I want to be sure that I do what I can to make my children's teeth a non-issue. (**as a disclaimer, I don't feel badly for how I grew up or blame my parents for any of this, it's just something that I've always wanted to change.)

I guess in some ways I got an answer to prayer regarding this. I was really getting nervous about the whole thing! I was reading the preparation sheet and it says that Kai can not eat or drink anything …even WATER!!!… after midnight!!! How in the WORLD am I supposed to get him to sleep??? He will not sleep without something! I mean, not even WATER???? That's MY biggest concern, to be honest. But we'll cross that come August now!
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