Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Kai's last speech

Kai had his last speech therapy for the summer today. And after our first horrendous appointment to our last one 6 weeks later, I can say that Kai is doing much better! He participated well and tryied to sign more and even tried to say things. I was so proud of him! He played games with Linda and even gave her a hug when we left. It turned out better than I was expecting, and I am so happy and relieved.

I remembered to ask about the benefits Linda had mentioned last month, and she photocopied forms for me and filled out her portions. This is the "Child Disability Benefit" through the Canadian government and is a tax-free benefit "up to $137.75 per month ($1,653 per year) for low-and-modest-income families who are for a child under age 18 with a severe and prolonged mental or physical impairment." I don't know if we will qualify for it or not, but it's worth a shot. The nice thing about this is that it will be retroactive all the way to birth, too! Woot!!!

Linda wrote under the Examples of effects of impairment as this: "unable to get basic needs met as can not express himself; saftely as a concern as can not express what's happened, give information, as well as does not always follow directions. Highly unintelligible verbally–uses some augmentive." As for Diagnosis, she wrote: "Childhood Apraxia of Speech/Phonological Disorder/Expressive Language Disorder".

She went over it with me and I agree with all she wrote, but she wanted me to understand that while she does not completely think of it as a "disorder" as much of a "delay", but the term sounds better! She did use the term "Apraxia" again today at the end of our session (before I asked about the forms), which makes me wonder if it's Official or if it Still "can't be ruled out". She said she was going to try more of the things she learned at the Apraxia conference on Kai starting in September when we see her again, but did mention how it's a bit hard as he's younger than the age she's studied.

I'm feeling good about this and not at all sorrowful. I'm taking it one step at a time. We'll know more when we see Linda again in September.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Honorable Mention

The other day we got a letter addressed to Kai, which was a bit strange. There was no postmark address on it and was in a manilla envelope. Very curious. Now, I know that opening up someone else's mail is an offense that could land me in jail, but I felt that I would be allowed to open up my 3-year old son's surprise mail. In it was a certificate saying that he had won Honorable Mention in a colouring contest that Blockbuster held a while back, and a $5 gift card to the store! THAT was a surprise!

Months ago, I can't even remember when, Auntie Jenn brought up some pictures of Shrek for the kids to colour so she could enter them into a colouring contest. We all soon forgot about it. Now I'm wishing I had taken a photo of their finished pictures b/c I'm sure that Kai only used one colour and didn't even have a method, just scribbled over the whole sheet!!! In fact, Jenn was telling me that she sent in the picture with a note saying she knew Kai was too young to enter the contest but she couldn't NOT include his with his sister's!!!! LOL So he wasn't even supposed to be IN the contest!!! Too cute!

Honorable Mention! Way to go, buddy!

Monday, July 16, 2007


My life feels all confused. I can't think straight. I can't focus. I can't commit. I feel so far removed from everything and everyone I used to be close to. MWP. Laura & Heather, my two best friends who live long distance, they hardly email now and when they do I just don't have the energy to respond. I just don't know what to say. My life feels too confused and screwed up, and there isn't anything that's going on!!!! I feel so BLAH and there is NO REASON for it!!!! My mind can't even focus enough to write, so I end up sitting in front of paper staring at it (or a screen) not knowing how to put words together to form a good topic or sentance. What is going on with my life?????

I went to my doctor today for my test results. When I came in she said, "oh right, we called you in!" So I told her, "no, I made this appointment." "oh." pause. She's a bit confused. "So what can I do for you?" I pause, a bit confused. "I was wondering about my test results." OH!!! (curious that she thought they had called me in….)

My results came back negative for diabetes, which is what I was expecting since I didn't hear from them. But what did come back out of whack was my thyroid!!!! (roll eyes) Go figure! Now I'm too low for my meds!!!!! So she took the next 20ms trying to figure everything out, it was rather strange. I was at 88 then she moved me down to 75 and so she was trying to find something between them, but it doesn't divide that way, and she wanted to know how long I was on 75 (this was just after she had just told me she started me at that dose in May) and why did she change me off of 85 and…. I was starting to wonder about the doctor, to be honest!!!! She finally decided to just put me back up to the 85 for now! LOL

Also…. I am anemic!!! WT??? After all these years! LOL They must check me for anemia like every 6 months b/c I am always that tired, but I've always been negative for it, despite my desire for an answer and excuse for exhaustion. This time it turns out I am! I also have Low B12. Hmm…. I'm only "borderline", so I can take pills instead of injections…thank God, could you imagine me giving myself shots??? It was hard enough for me to prick my fingers daily when I had gestational diabetes!!!!! LOL The doctor kept asking me if I ate meat and vegetables. It was funny, she'd ask me and I'd tell her that I did, in fact we've had so much bbq steak lately in this weather that I'm getting sick of meat!!!! LOL But not even 10 minutes later and she'd ask me again! (roll eyes) Me thinks the doctor had a preoccupied mind today! :) She also asked me twice if my periods were heavy or if I had diahreah. Both no. But I did remind her that she wanted to do a pregnancy test on me! …. No response. Phooey. I didn't get to pee in a cup for her! I guess me having low iron and B12 was enough of an answer for her that she can rule out pregnancy! And I was actually looking forwards to finding out the results today too!!! LOL *sigh* Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait to see if the ol' Aunt Flo comes this week. (*blush* was that Too Much Information or was it just me????)

So yeah. My thyroid is too low, as well as my iron levels and B12 levels. What's up with that? I feel like my body is just all screwed up. I mean, this doesn't make sense. I guess in some ways I should be praising God that we have some sort of answer and that it wasn't just a "oh well, it must've been a fluke thing for your tiredness and reactions. your results are normal." but I'm feeling crappy and confused. I eat meat. I eat veggies. (love them raw) Maybe it was just a Bad Day. I mean, can that happen? When your blood is tested, is it possible that the results were from that day or the day before? Like if you ate a bunch of sugary stuff prior would it skewer the results? If I hadn't been eating enough of those things prior, like the week, could that be it? I'm pulling at straws, aren't I? I don't know why, it's not like I want to take Away this answer and have nothing! But…. for some reason I'm feeling So Down about this. I spent this evening feeling Blah. Poor Jono kept asking me, "are you okay?" I was getting annoyed!! "Yes! I'm fine! Leave me alone! I feel empty, lonely, confused, sad, tired, screwed up, drained, emotional and I don't know why, ok???"


I'm rambling. Sorry. And it's depressive. Sorry. But I'm just letting it out and trying to make sense of things and how I feel. I'm actually likely doing much better than this post makes it sound. Really. But I had to update on my doctor's apt b/c I knew my mom would be checking it up!

I pick up my meds tomorrow and I'll start taking them asap. Both Jenny (my awesome neighbour) and the doctor used the same description for me: once you're on these, you'll feel ALIVE again!!!

Alive, eh? Hmm…. that's interesting. I've felt so UN-alive for so long that I'm not too sure what that means. I'll be always happy that I won't need my antidepressants? I'll have energy to play with my kids and not need naps in the day? I'll be creative and start thinking up new ideas? I'll desire to be in contact with friends again? What does it mean to be ALIVE???

Monday, July 9, 2007

Kai said something!

Last week, Kai actually responded to the Speech Therapist!!! YAY!!! I was soooooo happy and all day kept praising him! I wanted him to realize and understand that was what we wanted from him. Before the appointment, I kept telling him how he needed to say something or sign or do something for Linda so she knew how big and smart he was, and when we got there, before getting out of the truck I turned to Kai and repeated that he needed to respond to her, and would he do that for Mommy? Of course, he says yes! He was happy to be there and played good with the toys in the waiting room and was doing well…. until Linda arrived. Then he hide beside my leg and got a pouty lip and eyes downcast. :( Oh no!

We went to the room, where he sat at the table not looking at her. But she was prepared. She had a box of toys on the table and pictures in front of him. He just needed to point to which one he wanted to play with! At first he didn't want to until I gently said, "what did we talk about in the car?" and he pointed!!! :) And as they played, he gradually got more comfortable and pointed and even started to speak! It was so wonderful! I was wondering if we'd ever get to that stage with Linda! My heart was overjoyed!

Kai's interest didn't last long though, but he did play with all the games and did respond, so all was good. Linda said she still can't rule out apraxia but she says that it seems to be more of a delay in phonetics. He has words that he uses for certain things that HE thinks are correct and it's just about learning that those aren't the correct ones and having to replace them with OUR words. It'll take some time.

Kai is growing in leaps and bounds! I am so impressed and pleased. Jonathan & I praise him whenever he uses words and tries but what is really helping him is playing with other children his age. He's gained so much with just playing with Max & Teague next door and last weekend with Brody, which is so great to know. I can't wait to see how he does at preschool this year!

We'll see how this week goes with ST.

went to the doctor today

I had another "diabetic reaction" this morning at noon. I almost caught it time though, but still felt weak and shakey in my arms and legs, but I was feeling well within the hour. I checked my blood sugar level and they were at 4.0 That sounded a bit low to me, and my mom confirmed too, so I wasn't feeling well about it all. Maybe I do have diabetes.

When I mentioned it to my doctor, the levels and my reactions and such, she said the levels were Normal and that it sounded okay. She went as far as saying that she didn't think that this "reaction" was from diabetes! WTH? Really? Hmmm… then what is it? Not that I Want to have diabetes, but I'd like to have some clue!!! She is sending me for a blood test though, and she will test ….this is the list: B12, Ferritin, Glucose Fasting, Folate Serum/RBC, Urea, TSH (for my thyroid levels…something I was supposed to do 3 weeks ago, *blush*) Creatinine, Electrolytes and a Complete Blood Count. Hmm.. not too sure what half of that means, but she mentioned checking my thyroid, diabetes, and for anemia.

She actually thinks it may be my thryoid. Possible. She also is wondering if I'm pregnant!!!! *enter shocked face here* Excuse me? I don't think so!!! I had my regular cycle last month, and I'm due again next week. When I see her next week for the results, if it hasn't come she will test me, which is strange since it's not due till a few days after, but okay! It's a free pee test, whatever!

Poor Jonathan looked dumbfounded when I told him what the doctor suggested! I think it scared him just a wee bit!!! HAHAHA! poor guy! Well, I don't "feel" pregnant, so if it comes out positive he won't be the only one shocked! LOL I was just surprised that she dismissed diabetes. But we'll have to see how this test turns out. I'm going first thing in the morning. (read: when I get my butt into gear, lol)

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Lucky Day?

For some reason today….07-07-07….. is supposed to be considered a "lucky" day. I'm not too sure why that is or what exactly that means, but I know a lot of people have gotten married today! I know also that the number 7 (as well as the number 40) have great significance in the Bible, but I also don't know why. Something about it being a "perfect" number I think. But whatever the story behind today's date, I don't feel that it was a spectacular day. Quite the opposite actually.

Well, there is One Good thing that occurred today and that is the 30th birthday of my wonderful and dear friend, Heather, who lives back in Ontario. Yay! I miss her so much! :( The worst part is that we haven't talked in a few months. (she's a very busy girl) so I feel a bit out of the loop, so to say. I hope that whatever happened to her today, it was grand. I'm dying to know how her boyfriend surprised her today!

But that aside….

I had my first ever Open House to celebrate the brand-new Fall/Winter Collection from Stampin' Up! I was very excited and nervous. The typical thoughts run through your head: will people come? But I managed to prepare and try to keep a positive thought on things. I knew for sure that my sister was coming, and so that was one! :) My neighbour also came. That was two. And that was it. I was sooooo disappointed. I know that today was a very busy day (weddings, you know, lol) and that it wasn't personal, but you feel crappy anyways. *sigh* I am determined not to let it get me down though. I just wish I could've sold off my old products to make way for the new ones! Blah! Oh well, I guess I'll have to be creative this summer. At least my first Stamp Club is starting this Wednesday! Yay! I have 8 women in the group and I am so excited about the project we're making!!! Jono came up with the concept…*smile*

deep breath

And now on to the worst news of the day…

I found out that my friend's baby died today and my heart is slowly shattering. I was fearing any emails from her child's page on caringbridge as I was waiting to hear the news. The poor baby just wasn't born healthy and it hurts. I can not even begin to imagine what my friend is going through, but she used the words that she felt like she was killing her child as baby girl slowly slipped away struggling. I remember feeling the same way when I was administered methotrexare after my first ectopic pregnancy. I didn't get the chance to hold my baby or see the pain she went through, so I was spared, but I know the hollowness.

I have been crying today on and off and praying constantly for the family. Will you please pray for them too, with me? Their little girl was born 10 weeks too soon and the blessed thing is that she is whole now in Heaven, but she had to leave behind a heartbroken mother, father and two older sisters. Please pray for peace and strength for them. Pray that they will be able to find comfort in the arms of our loving Father, who creates life and is broken when one is cut short too.

Lissa, I don't have the words, but my heart is crying for you and is broken.

Today is not a lucky day for me.

I hope everyone else' day was better.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

got to love those insincere questions

At around noon today I had a diabetic reaction. It was quite strange. I was feeling weak, then I got shakey and really thirsty and tired and felt like passing out. I had two bananas and some water and I still felt crappy, so I checked my blood sugar levels, but since it's been a while I forgot how to do it! But in the end it worked. They were 4.9 —of course I have no idea what that means! (roll eyes) I sat in the bathroom just so weak, with my head on the counter. I was feeling a bit better by 12:30pm, so I made some grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, but my legs were still weak and shakey and I was still so tired. I ended up laying down for an hour after 1pm b/c I knew if I didn't I'd collapse!

It was quite strange. I felt terrible. I looked terrible. I had both my husband and his sister ask me "are you okay?" within 5ms of eachother! Of course, in my attempts to be more honest and seek out help, I said, "no!" And they both turned away!!!! What's up with that??? Why ask if you don't care or have an interest in helping??? I just don't get it! I mean, I LOOK terrible, I feel like I"m actually physically going to collapse and yet they still didn't offer anything! I am appalled the more I think of it.

But let's not get me started. What's up with the diabetic reaction? I was convinced that's what it was, and have actually been wondering if I have developed diabetes recently. I had Gestational Diabetes during my pregnancy, but my test afterwards came back normal. I know they're going to test me again but I can't remember if it's every 6ms or every year. I see my doctor on Monday and I'll be mentioning this for sure!

I took an online risk assesment for diabetes and according to my height, weight, age and parent with diabetes, I scored 11… when 10+ is High Risk! LOL …of course, I knew that anyways, but thought I'd check it out! {here is the link: }

I'm going to start walking daily with my neighbour for 1/2 hour. We're starting on Sunday evening. No kids (other than Bryn) I'm really looking forwards to that. That should help with weight loss, and get me healthier. I hope we can keep up with it and that our husbands help us out too.

So that was my day…. phew! Oh! And I finally got new contacts! YAY! About time! I had to get an Emergency pair of contacts way back in March b/c my old ones were soooo old it was ridiculous. So I picked up one to last the month since I had an eye appointment in the next week and would likely buy new ones if my script changed. Well…. three and a half months have passed and my eyes did change but we didn't buy new contacts yet. *blush* The past two weeks have been painful for me, as my eyes are constantly sore and itchy and irritated, so I've been going without the past two days, blurry vision and all! This afternoon, I rubbed my eyes and lost my right contact, relocated it and tried to put it back in when I saw it was torn. Drat!!! At least it got me out to buy new good clean contacts though! ;) So I'm seeing with "new" eyes again, yay! How nice to see things so crisp and clear. I'd like to buy some glasses again too, just to have, but I'm having a hard time justifying the price to my stringy Hunny (lol) and finding a pair that suits me. *sigh* But this is a start…
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