Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I did this Quiz on Facebook called "Which Biblical Woman are you?" and based on your answers from 6 questions, it tells you whom you resemble. I had some trouble answering two of the questions...one was to pick which Hymn you suit more, and I only knew the one "Amazing Grace", and that wasn't *me*!!! So I guessed! :)

I don't know which women they had for answers, but I do know of Two: ME and my Mom's response (Sarah of Abraham and Sarah) Here is what *I* am:

You are RUTH

You are fiercely loyal to family & friends. You have a heart of compassion, especially for those you feel may be lonely or left out. You are servant-oriented, and very self-sacrificing when you need to be. You also have a teachable spirit that will listen to instruction.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

something's changed

Don't you hate it when the blogs you are following don't get updated every day with something new and you check them out with anticipation and end up all disappointed and now wondering what to do with yourself because your whole idea of the evening was to check out blogs but now that there's nothing new on them you don't know what you'll do with yourself??? Yeah, me neither. I was just sayin'.

Those of you who have been following me through my dark tunnel of dispair may be happy to hear that I am starting to see the end of it! And I don't even know HOW or WHY! It just suddenly happened on this past weekend! Well, I think a lot of it was because my hunny stayed home for most of it; that was such a wonderful treat. Now, of course, I didn't FEEL any different towards it until much later, but still… I started out feeling woe-y and Down and EMO-ish (LOL) and pretty much Indifferent. Especially towards my hunny, sad to say. My relationship with him was fast crumbling as my decent into depression gained depth. (something I didn't realize until my sister pointed out something to me. Not that I knew how to stop it though.)

On Saturday, he had to work, of course, but I was partially child-free since MIL took the older three to a Christmas party. So I used that time to pick up a few groceries and then had a nap with Baby Honey, which was nice. That evening, we both were downstairs together. He was on the couch trying to set up my laptop so it's internet ready

(what is the use of a computer or laptop if it doesn't have internet connection???? Seriously now.)

I managed to get my Stampin' Mojo working and made cards. I actually completed the 12 Christmas cards he wanted for his business. Not Bad, considering I didn't have a CLUE what I was going to do for them when I got down there! I even made up 12 matching envelopes too! I rock! And then I made 2 more cards to start off my Mom's gift. (Shh! don't tell her!)

On Sunday, I bowed out of church yet again… don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my church and the pastors and everyone, but with this depression I've been avoiding a LOT of things. For some reason, mustering up the strength to go out to something I like hasn't been easy, so I've missed about 2 months now, which bums me out because I missed the "I'm Sorry" series I really wanted to hear. Hunny wasn't too impressed with me missing out, but was even Less Impressed when I told him I didn't want to go to the Baby Shower that was in honor of myself and 10 other ladies. I just didn't want to....no, couldn't go. My misery doesn't like company.

We had my family over that night for Abi's bday, even though I was so tired and wanted to crash. I love them too much to not have them over! Just being with them makes me happier, even if I can't show it! After they all left and the kids were in bed, Hunny and I were downstaris again working on our own projects in the same room. We weren't conversing. We weren't working together. But we were in the same room! And it felt SO much Better than upstairs when I'm on the computer and he's watching tv just feet away from eachother.

Since then it's been Different. Better. Changed.

I don't know why though. What made it better? I suppose it was just from him being home and with me (albeit not really) and him treating me like nothing's changed with us (even though in my head things had) and showing me love in his actions.

No profound thoughts. No lightening bolts from heaven. No voice from God. Just change.

So Thank-You to all who have been praying for me. God hears and God answers and things are looking up. I know that I am not "out of the woods" yet and that my depression needs to be dealt with still for it to be fully conquered, but for this change I am happy.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

it was bound to happen...

I was expecting something traumatic to happen to one of the boys since they are SO incredibly active, but I have to admit that I've been living a pretty blessed life with no major incidents with them. …Until today.

Picture this: two loving brothers playing together in the living room. One with LEGO and the other with his bike. All is great. Mother is able to rest on the couch while they do their thing. Until the older boy decides the bike is in his way. Of course, younger boy does not agree. In his attempt to show his opinions, little brother decides to BITE older brother ON THE HEAD!!!!!! WT???? Older brother climbs on top of Mother, crying. Little boy is crying as well, and holding his bloody mouth. Oh great!

Remember how back in September I had to take Bryn for oral surgery??? Oh, maybe I forgot to mention that. Sorry. But back in September, I had to take Bryn for oral surgery. His two front teeth are damaged with cavities. *shame*blush*I will never live it down or forgive myself* So they were being filled and all that dental-y stuff. Well, it turns out that the over $1000 proceedure wasn't all that necessary….or good. Bryn had managed to Push his one front tooth into the gums!!!!! (hence the bleeding)

At first I thought it wasn't THAT big of a deal…but everytime I saw Bryn, I totally noticed the moved tooth. Plus, he kept rubbing his mouth across his hand and crying. I knew I'd have to get up (dang it! I was totally enjoying my sloth-like ways on the couch!) and get him in to see the dentist. I managed to get him in on an emergency visit within 1/2 hour! (the dentist was impressed with me that I got him in so fast…I guess other mom's wait longer! LOL! Nope, not me; I'm Ms. Vigilent!!!! HAHAHA!!!!)

My first thoughts and worries were correct; his front teeth will have to be removed!!!!!

When we got to the dentist, his other front tooth (not the one that was obviously smushed up in his mouth) was all creepy looking! His filling had fallen off!!! Instead of this nice pretty perfect made-up tooth, there was this bit of off yellow tooth. Just broke my heart. Poor babe. The dentist said he could remove the teeth right then, but I decided sedation was a good way to go! So we're going in first thing in the morning on Thursday (the dentist is even coming in early for us, how nice is that?) and Bryn will have oral sedation, which may or may not put him out. (it may just make him happy and drowsy!) That way, he will not have any memory of this horrible experience. Phew! (I wonder how he'll feel waking up with two missing front teeth???)

The nurse liked to point out to me that "his teeth would normally fall out around age five anyways." Uhm, yeah, great! But he's only TWO!!!! He'll look like some hockey thug with missing teeth for THREE (possibly 4) Years!!!! My poor poor babe. My heart is crushed.

But, I do have to wonder what kind of job was done on the teeth back in September to make the tooth basically shatter just by striking a skull???

Oh, and I noticed later that his hand is full of scratches. Across his thumb and wrist and a bit up the arm. I guess when he was rubbing his mouth often, it was scratching against part of the jagged tooth.

Bryn is such a trooper. He's such a rough boy. Hunny and I laugh that we can see Kai suggesting to try these outrageous stunts, but being too afraid or cautious or smart to do them himself, but Bryn being crazy and brave and adventurous to go for it! Is this just the beginning of a string of incidents for him?

Monday, December 1, 2008

not me monday

This is my first time participating in this, but I found this on a friend's blog, which then brought me to the original blogger of this..and so forth. You can click on the link "MCKMama" to the right for the site. Moving on…. every Monday, she posts "Not Me Monday", which includes a confessional of sorts. It turns out I'm a bit late on making it to Mr. Linky, but whatever! Check out her Not Me! Monday post and see the other blogs linked to it. Not Me! Monday

So here we go…

I did not wake up this morning trying to find an excuse to not take the kids to school just so I could sleep in. Nor did I lay inbed an extra half hour before I finally got up and got the kids dressed and out the door. Nope, that would be lazy and selfish of me!

And I certainly did NOT let my children eat whatever they wanted for breakfast, just as long as they ate. Even if it meant fruit snacks and fruit-by-the-foot sugar snacks! That would just be irresponsible! My kids only eat healthy things for breakfast no matter how much they whine or how late we're running!

There's no way I overspent our Christmas budget shopping either. There just weren't enough cute clotes and fun toys to decide upon, so it was easy keeping my hunny's hard earned $ in my cutesy purse!

I did NOT have a nap today either, virtually having my whole afternoon given to such a selfish act as dreaming and resting my very tired self. And because I didn't nap, I didn't need to go through drive-thru for a late lunch for B & I, whick would've made up almost late picking up the kids from school.

I didn't spend too much $ on my one-and-only daughter on her one-and-only 7th birthday and her best-friend-in-the-world at the Animal Stuffing Place. (sorta like Build-A-Bear) I was strict and didn't let them buy "unnecessary" items!

I haven't stayed up late for no reason at all tonight. Nope. Not me. I'm always in bed on time. Even when I'm not tired. And it's just silly to stay up when you're already tired. Who'd do that? Not me.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

something to think about

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son
on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing
him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what
would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son,
"How was the trip?"

It was great, Dad."
Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
Oh yeah," said the son.

So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked
the father.

The son answered:

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and
they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the
stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have
fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have
friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how
poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you
wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for
everything we have, instead of worrying about
what we don't have.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008












lied to.



pent up.



Is it "evil spirits"? "Mental imbalance"? "Demonic"? It is an oft misunderstood issue. Can you be "cured" by just having Faith? Exercising? (does anyone remember Tom Cruise's rant on PPD? Oh, don't even get me started….) Laughing more? Is it a mind-over-matter thing? If I Really Believed, would I be healed? Is this because of lack of True faith? Do I not believe He has the power?

I know that my relationship falters during this, but my faith is intact. Do I believe in Him? Yes. Whole heartedly. Do I believe in His power to heal and do miracles? Yes. My faith isn't the issue. Or is it? Do I Really believe He'll heal me? Donno. I know He can, I do not doubt. But what if it isn't a part of His plan for me? Maybe this is my trial. My "thorn in the flesh".

Maybe if it's more than just about faith. My belief isn't the issue, it's my relationship. I can't focus. I can't pray. I can't think. I try; I really do. But nothing. I feel nothing.

So it is mental; a chemical imbalance? Medical proof shows that is real. So if I take my meds all should be fine, right? So why aren't they? How do I get to the point where I no longer need meds?

Am I a mixture of being mentally imbalanced and also having to fight Demons? Are they connected? How do I possibly win? Where do I start?

"There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear" ~i John 4:18
"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." ~Galatians 5:19-23

Am I without love? Do I lack the Spirit? What is this affliction? Why do I have fear? Where is my Joy, my peace and love and patience?

I just finished reading a wonderful book called "Prison to Praise" by Merlin Carothers about this man who started his early army career doing prison time and ended up becoming a chaplain for the army. In it, he talks about how God lead him to understand the whole "Give Praise in EVERY circumstance". I was really challenged by it. Well, at first I wasn't. I wasn't hard to thank God for things I thought were "tough"…like my strong-willed child, and my screwed up thyroid. But then along came today.

How do I thank Him for THIS???? "Thanks for my mental illness." ???? I feel like I'm mocking or being sarcastic. "thanks that I feel like crap? Thanks that I feel like stone? Thanks that I want to run away?" ???

Thank-you, Father, that I am exactly where you want me to be. Even though I have depression and I feel laden down with no joy and feel like a failure to my children, thank-you. Because I know that even though things are not wonderful, you are still here and you are still caring for me and you are still my God and you are guiding me. Thank-you that I am where you want me to be. Exactly where. THAT is what I am thankful for. I don't know how to be thankful for being depressed and having my emotions out of control and all those other things I stated, but I am trying.

I don't understand depression. I definitely don't understand my body. It lacks the correct chemicals (what is that word for the happy feelings, Julie?) And I allow myself to be lied to on how terrible *I* am because of it. I just want to be able to be In Control again…but maybe I'm not supposed to be. *sigh* It doesn't make sense. Where do I hold back? What do I need to do to take the responsiblity and control I need?

Right now I just feel bogged down and I can't think straight.

Monday, October 27, 2008

second thoughts on Autumn

Autumn has Always been my favourite season. The colours especially, but I love the smells of the season…the way the leaves smell, the smell of a woodburning stove… but now I am really starting to second guess myself. Maybe I should re-think it.

Now that I"m older, Autumn means getting up early In the Cold and Dark morning to get unfriendly and unwilling children (and myself, I'll be honest!) ready for school. Autumn means cold and flu season. Autumn also means dealing with my son's asthma.

Poor Kai has been coughing and coughing again and sneezing and sniffling. His little nose has been red. But it's the coughing that bothers me. It's the cough that is constant. *cough* breathe *cough* breathe. pause. *cough* It's the one that I recognize immediately as being his "astham cough". It started last night, and I tried to give him the nebulizer (just b/c I like it better b/c I KNOW he is getting the dose fully) but when he's sleepy it bothers him more. He becomes agitated because the mist will blow up into his eyes when he's laying down, and then it irritates his nose, which is already sore from wiping. So I had to pull out his puffers, which I'm not too fond of. While it is easier to give him, I wonder if he's getting enough of the dose. But I suppose if it helps him, he must… I had to come to his room and give him his asthma meds 3x in the night, and he missed school today because of it too. (I was so sad. his first missed day of school. I was hoping we'd make it through the whol 2008 school year without having him miss a day! So hopeful and dillousional of me!!!) I can already hear him coughing a bit again, three hours after his last meds. Poor guy. It's so sad to see him laden with health issues.

Meanwhile, poor Rhys is sounding rattly still. He's been fighting this chest cold for Three Blasted Weeks!!! He lost his voice, he lost his desire to eat, I'm sure he must've lost weight (although I didn't have him weighed)… poor thing. He's pulling out of it now though, thank goodness. He's eating like it's going out of style, lol! Gulping back those bottles! Yay! I've had to move him up to a new size and amount, hooray! About time! But today he sounds rattly in his chest again. Phooey. I hope that doesn't mean anything. During his 3-week chest cold, his reflux got worse too, which made me feel so bad. He'd try to cry, but no sound would be coming out, his chest would heave and he'd be puking and just be in such discomfort. I even came up to him to see that he had refluxed through his nose three times! I didn't see it happen, which makes me feel badly, but I'd see white wet lines running from his nostrils and I could guess what it was from, since he's too small to do coke lines! (little bad humour there!) Poor thing!

I'm cringing at the idea, but this will be the year our family gets the Flu Shot. I should've been doing it for several years now, but I avoided it. (it's a SHOT, they don't tickle! I'm a wimp!!!) But I want to see if this will make a difference for Kai and his health, and for all of us. Due to Kai's heart condition also, we are supposed to be able to get the flu shots for free. I'm not too sure how much they cost, but free is good!

Maybe my New favourite Season is Spring and Summer…ahhh…sunshiney spots to nap in!

Speech Update

I talked briefly to Kai's K teacher who said that he was assessed by the Special Ed teacher (I think? Or was it a Speech Therapist? I can't recall right now, but I will soon and I'll fill you in again!) and I am happy to report that they do not see a problem with Kai's speech and have no problem leaving him as he is and re-assessing him in January!!!!


Of course, a part of me was wondering if maybe I needed to fight for this or something. Remind them that he's been diagnosed with Apraxia. Be his Advocate. After all, I am his mother and I need to fight for him. I've heard so many stories of mothers who've had to fight and advocate on their child's behalf to get the diagnosis or therapy or help or doctor or whatever that was needed or else they'd be put aside (some mothers I know as friends)…. and I wonder if that's something I need to do. But then I look at Kai and I listen and I talk to other parents and I am happy to admit and share with you that he IS doing well. People DO understand him. He IS talking good for a kindergartener. I am so happy and so proud of him! My child, who did not utter two-word sentances until he was 3 1/2! Only a year ago did he start to actually TALK!!!! He has grown in LEAPS & BOUNDS!!!!

I"m not too sure where that leaves his Apraxia diagnosis or his ST though. I think I'll have to talk with the teacher more about this at our parent/teacher conferences in two weeks, and then talk to his old Therapist. But isn't this just Wonderful? Who'da thought?

He makes me smile. I'm proud of him. He… it blows me away!

….now, if only we can get his pooping down. He still won't use the toilet. H'mm…at least he hasn't had any problems at school. He only peed his pants once, but that was when they were on a field trip walk through a park, so I understood. We'll get there…

something's not right

Sorry I've been so MIA lately, but things are really crazy here and I am going through another bout of wondering what my body is doing. I understand being tired, really I do, but this is ridiculous! Sure, I've got a baby and I'm up several times in the night for that plus the other kids (who occasionally still wake up after bad dreams, wanting something to drink, just for no good reason…) but still…. I am not JUST tired. I am EXHAUSTED. But not just that. I'm not JUST Exhausted, I am..what's a word stronger than Exhausted? *sigh* Let's put it this way: I don't think I"m a SAFE Mom anymore. And that scares me.

Typically, my day goes like this: alarm goes off at 7am. I don't manage to REALLY notice it enough to actually get out of bed until 7:30am (and no, I can't change the alarm to 6:30am to get myself out of bed earlier b/c I KNOW I have an extra 1/2 hour now and will waste that too in bed! I know me!) I race the kids to get ready, dressed, fed and all that (plus myself) and out the door by 8am to make it to school by 8:40am, when school begins. Then I head back home. That's when it hits my body how tired I am and I literally struggle to keep my eyes open, so I don't fall asleep driving home. (I've opened my window, closed my window, turned on/off the music, I've shaken my head… whatever I can think of to keep me awake) On the wonderful days that Kai is in school, I will bundle up Bryn and Rhys by 11am and we will climb into bed for a nap. I have my alarm set for 1:30pm, so we can leave at 2pm to go pick up the kids. When Kai is home, I go on the computer for a bit, and try to keep myself busy. If I'm desperate and just CAN NOT go on, I will actually climb back into bed with Rhys and nap for a bit. And when I say "nap" I'm talking a good 1-2 hours.

So yeah, I am not what I would consider SAFE anymore. But what can I do???? I am taking my thyroid meds and I'm even taking extra Iron pills. In fact, Jonathan suggested I double the iron dose. Of course, I'm at the end of the bottle and I've felt NO CHANGE. I've gotten so USED to this though that it almost (ALMOST) doesn't even bother me anymore. If I need to sleep, I don't try to force myself not to, I just do it. The problem with that lies in the obvious: who's watching the kids if I'm sleeping? Not only are the boys destroying my house (toys everywhere and almost every wall is coloured on, grr) but who knows what could happen? I hear them fighting, but don't have the energy to get up to sort it out. They could easily hurt eachother, break a limb, start a fire, be seriously injured, go wandering outside….all because I have ZERO energy to do anything. And it's not that I'm lazy either or going through a severe depression, it's just… I can't even explain it.

I went to go visit my Mom a few weeks back. She lives about an hour drive away. By the time I got to Abbotsford I was doing my head shake to keep myself alert. Here I am driving down the freeway, doing 130 kph, and my eyes are fighting me to stay open! I was trying to get there as fast as I could and I still had a good 15-20 minutes to go! When I arrive, I am fighting exhaustion, but trying to be a good visitor and chat with my Mom, but within 20 minutes, I'm asleep on her couch! When I wake up, three hours have gone by and I feel terrible. I didn't go there so I could nap and Mom could entertain my children (even though she and they like that), so I'm feeling guilty! It's 6pm and dinner has been eaten, but I manage to sit down for seconds with everyone. ONE HOUR LATER…. and I can already feel it in my body that I am WAAAAY too tired to even attempt to drive. My breathing slows down and I have "trouble" breathing which is not related to my asthma but due to just being too tired. My legs feel achey and like jelly. My eyes are going half-mast and blurry. So we end up having to spend the night! I know that Mom welcomed us and put the children and I up perfectly fine for the night, but still… it wasn't planned by any of us and it was a strange night, so I felt out of sorts and like I was being rude. We managed to get the kids into bed and then Mom and I stayed up until 11pm chatting (which was SO nice to do again. I LOVE talking with her. She's so smart and always knows the right thing to say, and how to just listen. It reminded me of all the times as a teenager when I'd come into her room and just chat with her before she went to bed. My Mom is the BEST! She always let me do this without complaining) I didn't sleep the best, but I still managed to stay in bed until 11am the next morning. 12 freaking hours!!! (again, my mom is the best!) I felt SOO guilty, but Mom never mentioned anything other than to say that I obviously needed it. Within 2 hours, the kids and I are packed up and on our way home. An hour later and I"m so ready to crawl back into bed for another good 3 hours.

What is wrong with me??????? While I may not be depressed, per se, this whole sleeping issue is making me feel depressed! I just don't feel there's a solution either. I mean, I can't not take the kids to school, I have to drive and get up. Jonathan can't take them to school either, he can't just not go into work or work less hours either to accommodate me. But this HAS to be figured out soon. I can't spend the proper time with my children. I'm not spending time with them at all!!! I can't do much household chores (on a good day I'll keep myself busy enough to do some laundry or I will do some rush cleaning as I'm cooking dinner) I'm not cooking proper meals b/c I'd rather sleep, so I'll use Drive-Thru as we go pick up the kids from school. I was supposed to get my bloodwork done on my thyroid and iron levels checked on Friday, but I was just too tired to go.

I just don't know what to do. And I know that Jonathan is lost. I worry that he thinks it's just laziness, even though he says he is worried for me and knows that I'm exhausted. But does he Really Understand? I feel so torn too… I want him to drop everything and pick up the slack I've left on the kids and do all the errands for me so I can get the sleep I need, but I am reminded of just how much work his IS doing for the family. He's working TWO jobs right now, working on establishing a business. So it's not like I can ask or expect him to be able to drop anything. I know his limitations and I do not doubt his love for me. But I struggle with this.

I had a wonderful conversation with a friend who is actually going through the exact same things and she is so great to chat with. She makes me feel sane at least! She Understands the sheer exhaustion, the 'depression' (for lack of a better word. This depression is different than the depression where you feel Down for no reason. This Has a reason; it's called Exhaustion), the struggle… I am blessed by her friendship. She's looking into iron absorbtion right now and wonders if maybe I have problem with absorbing it as well. She's on two iron suppliments plus a B-12 shot and after 8 weeks, she's starting to feel a bit of a difference. Funny how both of us were told that as soon as we started Iron pills, we'd feel ALIVE and have all this energy!!!! LIES!!! That's great…. if your body only needs that much. What if it needs MORE than what the pills can give? Or something else? I don't even know if anything will come up on my blood test. I'm so nervous that it will come back "normal", just like it has every other time in my life that I struggled with being so exhausted. What am I supposed to do?

I have so many hopes and dreams for me as a mother and wife, and I feel like I can't do a thing! :( So the past few weeks have been just me dealing with this. I've been too tired to come on here and I've not known what to say or how to say it or if I even should. I hate complaining. Especially when I don't have any answers to give, no solutions. I'm disclosing myself to people who don't know me and I'm nervous! Something is wrong and something needs to be changed. But what and how???

Friday, October 17, 2008

what a day!

Okay, so I went to Wal-Mart this morning with the intention of getting a photo scanned. Of course, the machine was broken, so I decided to wander the store (bad idea) until the scrapbooking store opened since I had to go there as well. I ended up leaving Wal-Mart having spent $150 on clothes for the kids (again–--can't seem to stop ...but I did get the stuff I needed from the scrapbook store here, so that's ok! :) Then I get home and realize, Oh CRAP! I Totally forgot all about the immunizations this morning! This was booked a month ago! They even called me last night 2X to remind me!!!!!!! *smacking head* Of course, when I call, they say I can't come in today (surely someone else will have forgotten??! C'mon, throw me a bone here!!!!) but they can book me in for DEC 31!!!!!!!! There was a "funny" moment where the lady said, "Ohhh," rather regretfully and worried-like when she realized that Rhys was behind now and would need to make up for his first shots! I laughed and said, "it gets worse…" she replied, "well, it isn't funny!" I was thinking, "lady you have NO idea!!!!" She doesn't realize that I'm STILL trying to catch up Bryn!!!!!! *blush*

*sigh* so yeah. I tried to see if I can get them into my doctor's quicker, but they don't even do shots anymore. In fact, the woman on the phone rattled off the phone number to Public Health and I pretended to write it down!! Dang! Maybe Guildford or Langley won't have a two-month wait list for children's immunizations…. it's ridiculous.

Then later tonight, I did a load of laundry, and as I was switching it from the washer to dryer, I pulled out the most unusual item I've ever washed. Now, I grew up with the notion that when you work, you do it Right or don't even bother, and the same rings true with laundry. I've washed crayons (not dried any yet, thank goodness), paper, LEGO, coins, and now tonight, I can add Pull-Ups to the list!!! I don't know if it was used prior to the washing, but it's sure clean now!!!! However, it's unusuable. Once it gets filled with water, the insides swell… and well, if it's get TOO wet, it bursts open! So needless to say (but I will say it anyways since I'm like that) I had all this gel stuff inside my washer….and now pieces of it in my dryer, and all throughout the clothes!!!!! EWWWW!!! I wasn't too sure what to do, but I am determined that I need to figure out some things on my own without having to call up my Mother or Mother-In-Law all the time (one day I will not get that chance, so I'd better get used to figuring things out on my own), so I made up my own solution. First, I pulled out my vacuum cleaner, and used it on both the washer and dryer (didn't think I'd ever be doing THAT!), then I shook out all of the clothes and washed them again, then I vacuumed the floor of all the gel bits on the floor. (that terrified Bryn…who knew he was scared of the vacuum? poor babe. Rhys was fine and unbothered. Still "white noise" to him perhaps?) It seemed to help, though. What a dilemna!!!!

And now it's after midnight! Where has the day gone? No wonder I'm so tired! LOL I'm still waiting for my Hunny to come home from work… *sigh*

Monday, September 29, 2008

motivational poster

Friday, September 19, 2008

Cardio Apts.

Both Rhys and Kai had their Cardio appointments at the beginning of the month. Kai's bi-annual check-up and Rhys' follow-up, so both had ECHO's and EEGs done! Kai did super! He's gotten so used to them now that he doesn't move, just watches the video…so different from when he was 2 years old and I practically had to HOLD him down for the exams! Rhys wasn't too bad, just wanted to be held and fed, so we had to be crafty with that, especially with his Reflux! But we managed!

Kai weighs 14.1 kg (31 lbs.) Woo-hoo! He's getting bigger! :) He looks so thin and small that I fear he'll never get some "meat" on his bones! He's also 101.3 cm tall (3'4")

Rhys is 4.13kg (9.1 lbs) and 53cm (20") Getting bigger too! :)

As for the final diagnosis: Rhys' heart is perfectly normal. Praise God! I didn't really have a "feeling" anything was wrong, but it's always good to have that confirmation, isn't it? We won't need to see the cardiologist again for him. Kai's heart is still the same. His heart continues to grow as he grows, so it is still about a year to a year 1/2 "older" than he is in size. The Cardiologist (Dr. Hosking, I love this man, he fascinates me) increased his Vasotec, but everything else stayed the same. And believe it or not, he still hasn't gotten the results in from the biopsy way back in April! We assume that no news is good news, so I'm not worrying. He said he'd call me when he hears anything. I don't know what the future holds in store for Kai concerning his heart, and I sometimes scare myself when I read stories in the news of boys collapsing dead at school in a sporting event from an unknown heart condition, but the truth is he is doing well and we are treating his symptoms and he doesn't have to hold back…..because, believe me, I couldn't hold this kid back anyways! He is such a blessing!

Bryn also had a doctor's appointment this month and he weighs 12.5 kg (27.5 lbs) and only in the 30th percentile, which was a surprise. He's not as heavy as Kai! Wow!!! This boy is packed like a tree trunk! He's also 86cm (2'9")

Just a quick update!

Saturday, September 13, 2008


I love Autumn! I love the colours. I love the cooler weather. I love pulling out sweaters. I love the smells. I love the foods. I love the whole Back-to-School bit too….the shopping for new clothes and supplies. Makes my heart go all a'twitter just walking through rows of brand new school supplies! *sigh* I may not be very scholastic in any sense, but I sure do {heart} my pens and paper!!!

School has been in session for two weeks now. Sort of. Abi started grade TWO on Tues Sept 2nd, and Kai started KINDERGARTEN (*sob*) on Monday Sept 8th!!! I can't believe I have Two in school now. This is crazy!

Abi's first day of Grade Two.. I let her put on some of my MK lipgloss and sparkly cheek colour!

Abi's class is full of a lot of new kids to the school, which is so neat to see. She sits at a desk (a DESK? Already?! Squeal!) with three new kids: Oakley (yes, that's his name! How cool is that? He even LOOKS cool with his spikey hair and puka shell necklace, lol!), Evan (who has big teeth…sorry,but true) and Anna-Marie. When I dropped Abi off, I prayed for her teacher, and for her, and I prayed..or maybe Begged…that she'd find a friend this year. A Special Friend. A Forever Friend. One that is HERS. I think it's wonderful that she's a friend to everyone, but I wanted her to have that one special best friend. Well, God answered my prayers that day. What a surprise! Abi declared Anna to be her new "best ever in the world" friend!!! I couldn't be happier. This girl is such a sweetie! I love her! Every morning, when I see her, Anna smiles and waves at me! And you know the other exciting thing? Both Abi and Anna are both tiny and small and cutesy! They play together every recess. Oh, my heart is full of happiness!

Oh, and as for the scholastic part of school… that's great too! ;) Abi's one smart cookie. She's great in math, but finds it boring. She's not a math whiz, so it's not like she's too advanced and that's why she's not interested, she'd just rather do other things! Like crafts or writing! :) Her reading is Awesome! I can NOT believe how well she reads. She has blown me away several times over this summer and now…she will read words that she's never known before, and I'll wonder how in the world she learned it! I am so happy for my Muffin.

Kai's first day of Kindergarten

All the way up until the weekend before Kai started school, I wondered if he was really ready or not. I know it was just Mommy Jitters because deep down I knew he'd be fine, but I still wanted to protect him and hold him close! I'm not quite ready to let him go! It's funny…. I don't quite feel that way about Bryn, I'm not worried about him I think he'll go out there and conquer the world one meaty fist at a time (LOL), but Kai…*sigh* My Kai. He's so little, so fragile, so innocent… I'm making him out to be some kind of pansy, aren't I? LOL That's further from the truth, this kid is Full of Craziness! He's got Loads of imagination! He's got 'antsys in his pantsys'! (got that from Veggie Tales…gotta love Mr. Lunt, the gourd!) But underneath all of that, he is actually very sensitive. He still comes running to me wailing when he stubs his toe and wants to curl up in my lap! *sigh* My Bud. I'm not too sure if I can let him go so fast.

But a week into school for him and he's doing Wonderful! No peeing in his pants, although I do pack extra clothes, just in case! (however, he still hasn't got the pooping down yet. He's used the toilet, but mostly likes to use his pullup as soon as he gets it on. It's discouraging.) He loves going to school and actually has NO problems! On his first day, Abi stayed home b/c she wasn't feeling too well, so I was worried that he'd be lonely or scared, but just the opposite! Actually, he doesn't even play with Abi at recess/lunch break, as he's usually on the playground, and Abi likes to build forts in the 'forest'. I'm so proud of him my heart wants to burst. He's confident and independant! Who knew? :) So much so that on his second day, when Abi wanted me to just use the drop-off zone instead of parking, I asked Kai what he'd like since I wanted to walk him to class, he said he wanted Abi to take him to class and for me to just drop them off!!! WT? Suddenly he's ready to just cut those apron strings? After all these years? LOL! I watched the two run across the school yard in my rear view mirror towards his classroom (we were a *bit* late..oops..well, just in time actually as the bell rang as we arrived!) and I said, "that's the LAST time I let her do that without me!!!" I felt so left out! *pout* I'm very surprised with how I feel about this too… with Abi, I was so happy and excited when she flourished and was able to leave me to join her class and be involved in something else for so long. For Kai, it kills me to think about how much he's doing during the day that I can't be a part of. I want to stalk him and watch through the window!!!! What's become of me???

All in all, it's a great start to the school year! It's been harder on ME though! *wink* I can't wait for all this school year has to offer the kids.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

2 years and 2 months

Well, I can't believe the time has come….

On August 8th, Bryn turned TWO years old. WOW! I started this blog when he was still a baby and we were dealing with his reflux and I found the wonderfully encouraging MWP site. Look at the time! How it's past. The funny thing is that as his birthday approached and I thought about him turning two, I couldn't help but think, 'wow, only two?' It feels like he's been 2 for a while already! He's difinitely into those wonderful "terrible twos" stage…not that he's a bad kid, he's just FULL OF ENERGY!!! I was thinking how wonderful it would be to take some of his energy and bottle it…but then it occurred to me that is probably what Beaver Buzz or Rock Star or those other energy drinks are!!! LOL ;) He's destructive, but I like to think it's because he's curious, not because he thinks it's great to be bad or mean! He's such a charmer too, and will likely get away with a LOT of things just b/c of his smile. *sigh* I love my Little Bug.

Rhys is now 2 months old. It's hard to believe that much time has gone by already. Most of it was such a blur with too much time spent in hospitals, not that he's noticed. I am blessed by him. He's so easy-going too, which is so wonderful. I keep waiting for his first smile, but I have to remind myself that he's still 5 weeks "behind" due to his prematurity. I know he loves me though, I can see it in his eyes. *sigh* I love my Peanut!

Time is going by too fast.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

meant to live

I just have to share this story with you. I came across it yesterday under "Weird" on different news pages online. This is such an amazing story!

Dead baby 'comes back to life'
An Israeli baby who was pronounced dead by doctors "came back to life" on Monday after spending hours in a hospital refrigerator.
By Our Foreign Staff Last Updated: 10:58PM BST 18 Aug 2008
The baby, weighing only 600 grams at birth, spent at least five hours inside one of the hospital's morgue refrigerators, before her parents, who had taken her to be buried, began noticing some movement.
"We unwrapped her and felt she was moving. We didn't believe it at first. Then she began holding my mother's hand, and then we saw her open her mouth," said 26-year-old Faiza Magdoub, the baby's mother.
The baby was pronounced dead several hours earlier, after doctors at Western Galilee hospital in northern Israel were forced to abort her mother's pregnancy because of internal bleeding. Mrs Magdoub was in the fifth month of her pregnancy.
"We don't know how to explain this, so when we don't know how to explain things in the medical world we call it a miracle, and this is probably what happened," hospital deputy director Moshe Daniel said.
"We've informed the Health Ministry and I guess they'll appoint a commission of inquiry. The hospital will ask for an external investigation of the case."
The baby has been taken to the hospital's neo-natal intensive care unit for further treatment, but doctors were not sure how long she will live.
Hospital director Dr. Massad Barhoum told Israeli media that her chances of survival are "very, very slim" because she was born so early.
Motti Ravid, a professor of internal medicine, told Israel's Channel 10 that the low temperature inside the cooler had slowed down the baby's metabolism and likely helped her survive.

I find it so incredible to think this baby was intended by the doctor/family to be aborted, and it was technically "dead" after delivery as planned, but came to 'life' later. God is amazing!!! See? He wants us all to live! We all have a planned life, one that He wants to bless. This baby girl is one miracle baby, touched by God! Pray that she will get stronger and continue to surprise the doctors, and that her life will show witness to His love.

in a word

I should be going to bed, but my mind doesn't want to (if that makes sense) so I've been doing some "Blurfing" (which is Blog Surfing) and have seen this on several different sites and thought I'd do it, too. YOu have to fill in the blanks using only one word…doesn't sound easy, says the woman who has to use as many words as possible to explain something!

1. Where is your cell phone? PURSE
2. Where is your significant other? BED
3. Your hair? BROWN
4. Your mother? KIND
5. Your father? ENTERTAINING
6. Your favorite thing? FAMILY
7. Your dream last night? BUSY
8. Your dream/goal? SLEEP
9. The room you're in? MESSY
10. Your hobby? STAMPING
11. Your fear? MANY
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? FARM
13. Where were you last night? HOME
14. What you're not? STRONG
16. One of your wish list items? TRIP
17. Where you grew up? EVERYWHERE
18. The last thing you did? PURGED
19. What are you wearing? CLOTHES
20. Your TV? OFF
21. Your pet? SHEDS
22. Your computer? CONNECTED
24. Your mood? RETROSPECTIVE
25. Missing someone? YES
26. Your car? VAN
27. Something you're not wearing? BRA
28. Favorite store? IKEA
29. Your summer? SAD
30. Love someone? YES
31. Your favorite color? ORANGE
32. When is the last time you laughed? EARLIER
33. Last time you cried? ???

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

feeling nostalgic

I got distracted tonight. That's not unusual for me, but still… I had to put together my closet since one of the shelves' had fallen down. The kids were playing in my closet (of course) and had managed to push over one of the poles of the organizer, which in turn knocked off the shelf from it's placing, dropping all of my cutesy shoes (you know, the heeled ones that I LOVE but only wear for fancy occassions..like weddings or work or dating years ago!) and my shirts to the floor. After I replaced it, I decided to take a look into a huge box on the floor to see what was in it! Oh yes! Letters! Lots of them! (I'm a *bit* of a hoarder!)

Oh, what memories! I was proud of myself too because I managed to recycle some of them, the ones that were old, boring or things I was able to release myself from…nothing from my friends who read this, of course not! But the whole thing was interesting. I got warm fuzzies when I re-read some of my love notes to my hunny when we were dating and engaged. Sweet love letters! I told him tonight that "I really loved you back then!" LOL …'as opposed to NOW'??? I meant it in a good way, teehee! I'm keeping those. I'm also keeping the letters from old "loves"…you know, the ones from exs that tell you how much they love you, how wonderful you are, how beautiful you are, how they've realized how stupid they were and now regret losing you…??? Yeah, gotta keep the one from Matt!!! LOL (hey, a girl needs to remember these things) I did manage to get rid of a bunch of letters from an old friend, but not before reading one of them and realizing something about myself!

I came across a box from my old best friend and had plans to get rid of the whole thing just because we ended on the wrong foot (why does that always happen?) and I'm still hurt by it, but as soon as I opened up the box, all these memories came back to me. Bittersweet ones though. Memories of our wonderful 5 year friendship. Oh, she was my Soul Friend, the one who understood me through everything and loved me continuously. But then things changed and we grew apart, and it hurts. I'm not ready to get rid of the box, so away it goes back into the closet. Hopefully one day I'll be able to open it up and read some of the contents and release it from me, but not yet.

I also found some fun stuff… I keep lots of strange things (in case you didn't know that already!) Mostly email jokes! I also came across a bunch od old cards and letters from my own family; mostly from my Mom. I was born to a wonderfully sentimental, kind, caring and loving Mother, who from time-to-time would send her children letters (yes, even when we lived with her still!) and notes of encouragement. I still remember one in particular that she gave me saying that some comments my brother and his friend made were inappropriate and that their view of maturity in a young woman was vastly different than mine, and that I was special and mature, and then she listed how. That still sticks with me. I don't remember what the comment my brother made, I can only guess it had to do with comparing me to some other girl, but I can't recall the reasons behind it, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that I have proof (not that I needed it) of something More important, something more tangible, and that is of my mother's love. I am so pleased that she has passed on importance of kind words and encouragement to me. I hope one day my daughter looks back and sees evidence of my love for her in tangible ways too.

Despite the box full of bittersweet memories, I was able to come back and see what really is important and remind myself of how blessed I am to have my family. I have many fun cards from my sister to make me laugh, letters of how happy she was of her engagement, notes from her in French (which I can't speak or read, but she can!)… It has sparked my desire and interest to connect again via snail mail! Who doesn't like getting mail??? :) All-in-all, it was a nice distraction.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

week of LOOOOVE

Last week, TWO friends of mine got engaged!!! What's up with that? :) I am So giddy and excited for them both! Leana & Mike got engaged on Sun the 3rd and are planning a Spring wedding. My BFF Heather & her man Matthew got engaged Fri the 8th but don't have a date set, but she'd better give me enough time to get packed and money for a ticket back East!!!

I had to make congrats cards for both couples, of course, and I am very happy with how they turned out that I had to make two more similar in style! :) I handwrote "Just heard the news" on the bottoms of the engagement cards.

recipe: (all SU! otherwise noted) Doodle This stamp set, Kraft c/s, Very Vanilla c/s, Garden Green c/s, Rose Red ink, Garden Green ink, Versamark ink, rhinestone brads, white gel pen, scallop punch, ribbon by Making Memories (pink), ribbon by Autumn Leaves (white with pink flowers)

ETA: Heather has confirmed a wedding date of May 2/09!!! GLEE!!! (I hope Leana's wedding isn't near that…I do NOT want to have to pick between them!!! *pout*)

ETA (again): Leana has a wedding date set for March! YIPPIE!!!

it's HERE!!! (all SU related)

The brand new SU! Fall/Winter 2008 Idea Book & Catalogue is out!!! And it is a doozy! Not only is the cover art beautiful, but wow! the contents…! I love this book! But I think I love each new one that comes out even more than the one before! If you don't have this book yet, contact me! I'm serious! You'll be glad you did! Not just for all the stamp sets and accessories or scrapbooking supplies, but just for all the great ideas. You can order this catalogue for $11.95 Cdn or you can get it for FREE!!! …all you have to do to qualify is to book a workshop with me (and there are different types to choose from that will fit your style), sign up for a Stamp Club (which meet monthly for 10 months), or place a one-time order with me for $100.

Isn't she a beauty? *sigh* my heart is all pitter*patter. I'm such a nerd! A paper-crafts junkie!

I love the new look and the colours and…well almost all of it! I'm having fun playing with some of the new stuff I got to purchase before it went live (oh, the joys of being a Stampin' Up! Demonstrator…pre-ordering!) but I want MORE!!!


Dang! This catalogue is going to make me go broke….I thought I was supposed to be MAKING $ doing this, LOL! :) I can't wait to put my first real order in…it'll be a big one! So far, I have invested in some of the new In Colours…so in love with Riding Hood Red, Baja Breeze, Pink Pirouette, and Kiwi Kiss! (Wild Wasabi what??? lol how fickle my heart is for new inks and colours and papers and….)… and some Designer Series Paper and a cutesy stamp set.

Here is my first card to unveil:

recipe: Sock Monkey stamp set, kraft c/s, kiwi kiss c/s, pink pirouette c/s, riding hood red c/s, baja breeze c/s, chocolate chip c/s, bella rose dsp, chocolate chip ink, kiwi kiss ink, so saffron marker, perfect plum marker, versamarker, baja breeze button from button bouquet, round tab punch, scallop punch, 1/2" circl punch, 1 3/8" circle punch, 1 1/4" circle punch, twine, clear emboss powder, staple

Incidentally, this is also the card we will be making for my Stamp Club meeting next week. The technique is Scratch-and-Sniff, and the cupcake has been embossed with a mixture of clear powder and sugar-free drink crystals. The technique actually works too! When I tried it last year, I couldn't get it to smell strong enough; I'm not too sure what I did wrong. But it worked now, and I'm so pleased! The room smells like strawberry juice afterwards!

Interested in what classes I'll be holding? Check out my schedule at my NEW SU! website! I am so excited about this new venture for me and hope that you will find it useful. You can see what classes I am holding, what the new promotions are, and soon you'll be able to order directly from me right off the site! (since calling or emailing isn't always condusive…what if you're online at 1 in the morning, like me right now oops, and don't want to forget to order something? this can come in handy!) Please bookmark my site:


Check it out and let me know what you think!

Also, bookmark August 30th on your calendar for my New Catalogue OPEN HOUSE!!!! I am so happy to finally be able to do this. It will be held in my new stamp room (which is semi-finished!) on Saturday from 1 until 3pm. Come check out the new catalogue for yourself, pick up some great deals (like retired sets, etc), make a fun card using a new set, sign up for a class or two, eat a yummy snack, enter to win a prize, grab some Free stuff…. there is lots of fun to be had!!! I hope to see you there!

While you're there… consider this wonderful company and how you can fit in. I can go on and on about my love for stamping and SU!…. If becoming a demonstrator just as a hobbyist or for a change in career is something you are weighing upon, now is a great time to join our fun family. SU! Is having a promotion on starter kits. The Standard Kit is worth $249 and comes with everything you need to be able to put together 10 workshops…the training, the supplies, etc. But right now, there are 3 Mini starter kits to check out. A Stamp-Focused kit, a Scrapbook-Focused kit, and a Home Decor-Focused kit. Any of these is available for only $119 and the promo runs from Aug 11-Oct 11. Check them out on my website and then call me for more info and your Order Form! You won't regret it! Where else do you get to be creative and get paid for it in a non-stress company???

Speaking of non-stress…. I am SO non-stressed that I could crash right here at my computer for a lil' nappy! I think I need to hop m'self off to bed; morning will come all too soon with 3 older children!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Girlie Night Out

Last week, I took Abi out on a "date"! I had been wanting to do something special just the two of us since we have missed out so much on one-on-one time, and how I missed so much of her last two months of school. (still bummed on not being there for her last day of grade one, but well, I had Rhys, so I can't be TOO upset! LOL) We both had to have our hair cut, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. (eww… what a terrible thing to say! killing birds! …unless they're crows….) As soon as Daddy came home from work, we jumped into the van and cruised around the mall. Of course, being as I don't plan things well, we only had a good 20 minutes to eat dinner (in the cafeteria) and shop then vamoose over to the salon. (roll eyes) We were only 10 minutes late at the most, but it all worked out good b/c Rhiana wasn't quite ready for us!

Abi went first and boy! was she pampered! She had her first hairwash at a salon and everything! Rhiana even used the blowdryer on her!!! I was so giddy with excitement for her! She looked so incredibly beautiful afterwards!

Look at her grin! Isn't she a cutie!

While I got my hair cut, (which turned out fabulous….it only took me a few days to get used to it! LOL But I actually got EXACTLY what I wanted for a cut! Imagine that!!!) Rhiana's assistant (her hairwasher and all-around go-to girl) put on Abi's makeup for her! (I let her buy a huge compact of eye shadows from Claire's just to make the evening special…oh, and a jar of scented glitter body cream from Body Shop..spent a lot of money that evening, I did!!!) She's so fab!!!

Isn't she a cutie??? *sigh* I LOVE my girl. She's so wonderful and special and beautiful and fun and silly and smart and… I could go on and on. ;) Hard to believe that she's going into Grade Two in two weeks and that she's almost 7 years old!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

We're Home!!!

We're Home!!!!

What a weekend! I hope that everyone had a wonderful Long Weekend (for those who aren't local; it was BC Day on Monday)….I was feeling lonely and bummed that I was missing out on all the festivities. But I did get to spend some time with Rhys and meet some great nurses (Go Nurses!!!!! *big grin*) Let's see if I can recall all the events this weekend up until now, where I sit at the computer in a hot house with a beautiful peanut sleeping in my lap…

When I came in on Friday night, his nj tube was removed, which was a nice surpise! On Saturday, they changed his constant feeding by tube to a bolis feed, which meant that it was done a larger amount every three hours. By that evening, as a complete surprise, I was told I could give him a bottle!!!!! He took it SO incredibly well that they said that I could do every feed by bottle and give the rest by tube if need be, but he only needed the ng tube used twice then went back to full-time bottle feeding!!! Hooray! God is good!

His progress over the weekend, and his taking to the bottle so quickly, has been such a surprise even for the nurses, doctors and for us. We were thinking it could take a whole two more weeks at the rate they were first going to take… This is such an answer to all of your prayers, and we thank-you for that. (thank-you also, Mom, for taking the kids for us. We'll come get them soon…. LOL!)

This morning, we had the OT's come in and do a Swollow Study on him. (Silly me, it was an Upper GI test they did the other day!) They were happy with everything and just gave me tips on his reflux. (not that I needed any, being a part of MWP, a reflux mom's online group, since Bryn's birth!!!) So here we are...safe and happy to be home. We have a lot of follow-up apointments though, with the pediatrician, the neurologist, the cardiologist, and our missed MRI… I guess they still want to be certain about some things. But Rhys is on Randadine for his reflux and for the most part, it seems to help.

Enjoy the sun & hug the ones you love!

Friday, August 1, 2008

It's a Long Weekend and I'm at the hospital....

hello again!

Rhys is doing well and looking so good…except for his odd behaviour of refusing to sleep! The poor nurses had quite a night on Wednesday and he just wanted to be held, so they have requested that I come in overnights now. Which makes sense; it's killing me to think he's in the hospital all by himself. He's not in a private-type area, but on a regular pediatric ward. I'll be staying overnight again tonight, but Jonathan & I are needing to figure out what to do with the kids at home now that the BC Long Weekend is here and our typical babysitters are going away!

I stayed overnight because the nurse told me at 9pm that Rhys had an MRI scheduled in the morning and they needed a parent there. Of course, at 8am, I was told by the doctor that it was cancelled and instead they were going to do a Swallow Study on him! According to the Radiologist, everything looked good during the study (I stayed and watched as they injected some white stuff into both the ng and nj tubes and then gave him some in a bottle…..interesting!) but I'll have to wait to hear the official results. I was also told last night that Rhys has a test booked for the 5th, (of course I can't remember which one!) and then after that one, they will move his nj tube to a ng one and get him "eating" that way, then move him up to bottle again. *sigh* The nice thing is that when I come in, I can hold him and snuggle all I want! That made me happy….that is, until he woke up every 5ms crying! That got old fast!!!

I hope everyone's weekend is wonderful. Much love from our family to yours. {{{HUGS}}}

Thursday, July 31, 2008

out of isolation

Hello everyone! Everything keeps getting better and better here, and we are so pleased!

Last night, they moved Rhys out of Isolation (phew) and he did great in the ICU, so the doctors decided it was time to kick him out! He was transferred up to a regualr pediatrics ward sometime this morning…however, they didn't call us to let us know so when Jonathan & I went in to see him tonight; we didn't know where he went! It took us a good 15ms to find out where 3F was, as well! (Jonathan claims it's the same place they had Abi in 2004 but I can't remember!)

Rhys is looking SO good! I'm so happy! I got to hold him for a while and he's getting more and more alert. Tomorrow will mark his one week stay at the hospital and Friday will mark his 6th week "birthday". WOW! It looks like he'll be staying at BBCH for a few more days, up until next week at least. They have to increase his feeds to the correct amount and then spread them out (right now he's only getting 15cc every hour) and then they'll wean him from the ng tube and get him onto the bottle. I don't know how long that will take, but it sounds like forever!!!

Thanks so much for your continued prayers. I can't wait to have my little peanut home. Before this summer is over would be nice….. *wink*

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

good news for Rhys

Good news today! I went in to see Rhys this morning with my Mom and Rhys is doing MUCH better. He is off the oxygen nose prongs and doing great. No apnea episodes in the past 24 hours, which is such a relief. (he had a few the other night which meant more tests…) Yesterday, they switched his ng tube to an nj tube, which means it was lowered down into the jejunum (a fancy word for the second segment of his small intestine!), to minimize his reflux. Today he is also starting Ranididine to help eleviate the acidity. But the oxygen is the most exciting news! Tomorrow morning the doctors will decide if he's well enough to leave the ICU and go up to the regular pediatric ward for a few days! Wonderful! We left the hospital feeling good and happy. Thank-you for all of your prayers, they are really helping. Thank-you also to everyone who has helped out our family in different ways; we appreciate all of you.

Will let you know what happens.

Monday, July 28, 2008

day 2 @ BCCH

Rhys has improved somewhat; his colour is better and he has brought up some phlegm, so his lungs are slowly starting to clear. He's still in isolation at the Children's Hospital in the ICU. Last night, he coughed and gagged and brought up some of his feed, dislodging his breathing tube (that was a bit frightful for me!) so they took the tube out. They were thinking of just using a nose plug thing for his breathing, but as the Respiratory Therapist and nurse were preparing for that, the Doctor said Rhys was tiring too fast, so they had to reintabate. The poor boy looked so uncomfortable and irritable since they had taken him off of the morphine, but with the reintubation, they started up again. Today they stopped the morphine again (but are giving him a different sedative) as they are slowly weening him off the ventilator, in hopes of removing it sometime tomorrow. When we left this afternoon, he was looking better with more colour and alot more comfortable. They took another x-ray last night and his lungs looked moist, but were getting better. All of his tests are still coming back as negative, which is a good thing in one sense, but also frustrating as it means we still don't know what has caused the pneumonia. It's likely from aspiration, but I hate having to wait to be sure. I'd like some answers now!!! So, while he is improving and looking better, it still feels like it's taking forever!!! We're handling things and are coping, but being at home (for me) is tough; I feel lost and have trouble concentrating. Prayers, dinners, visits and helping with household chores (such as floor laying and dry walling!!!) are welcomed! :)

Thanks everyone for all of your prayers and love. It has been much appreciated.

(Rhys with the breathing tube in isolation at BCCH)

missing my baby...please pray

It's been a *bit* crazy here lately….

On Thursday evening, I had to rush Rhys to the hospital because he was "discoloured". The nurse described it as "grey" and that's pretty much it, plus he was a bit blue around the lips and eyes. Scary stuff!!! There were suddenly 4 nurses and a doctor at his side in the ER! Blood taken, X-Ray taken, warming blankets on him (he was cold), IV inserted (in a vein in his head)…the whole works!!! The X-Ray showed something on his lungs, which was to mean Pneumonia, poor babe. But they had to figure out how come he got it, so a battery of tests were done, including a spinal tap! (I had to leave the room for that one!) Finally, the Pediatrician (who ended up being the same Ped that Kai and Bryn saw, Dr. Ward, whom I really like!) decided that they needed to send him to Children's Hospital as they couldn't care for him properly there. *sigh* As we are all waiting for the transport ambulance team to come, Rhys needs to be intubated. Oh my goodness, my heart wants to stop by then! I understood the whole reasoning, but it was all so hard to take. I was to leave the area then as well, as they gave him morphine to numb him so they could put the tube down his little throat. On top of all of this, Rhys is having Apneatic Episodes…which means he's ceasing to breathe every now and then. It's getting so bad that the nurse is having to pinch his legs to stimulate him back to alertness. It was getting nerving and scary to watch. He definitely needed some help with his breathing!


We arrived at BC Children's Hospital at 10pm Thurs the 24th by ambulance. (one of the transport team members was a man who helped transport Rhys from Peace Arch Hospital to Langley Memorial when he was 3 days old! That was neat. Neal didn't remember us, which is understandable, but I remembered him and it made me smile) Rhys is in an isolation room in the ICU ward getting one-on-one care, so I can feel confident he's getting the best type of help, but it's also hard to take in. It's all happening so fast!

On Saturday night, they decided to stop the morphine so they could prepare to remove his breathing tube the next day, so the poor boy was uncomfortable and irritated. He ended up coughing and bringing up some feed (from the ng tube…yep, back to that!!!) and choking when my husband and I were visiting, so we called in the nurse, which in turn brought in two doctors and 4 nurses!!! Rhys' ng tube was bubbling and there was feed in his breathing tube, which concerned the nurse. It was discovered that his tube had moved, so they had to remove the ng and the breathing one! Rhys looked so peaceful and alert then! The doctors discussed putting the breathing tube back in or just giving him a nose plug with oxygen, and decided on the plug. However, as the Respiratory Therapist and another nurse were preparing for that, the doctor decided to reintubate him! Poor baby. Back to the tube. Back to morphine. A day behind what we were hoping.

I miss him so much. When I'm there, it's a bit boring since all I can do is watch him, but when I'm at home, my mind is on him and I feel anxious, so it's frustrating.

Please pray for my boy. And for our family. Thanks.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

you know you're sleepy when....

…instead of grabbing the juice for your child, you mix some kind of soy sauce cocktail!!!! I nearly died! It's a good thing (is it really???) that I was thirsty, so I took a sip of the poison before bringing it to Kai at 3 in the morning. NASTY!!!! It took a lot out of me to NOT puke, but to oh-so casually spit out the salty concoction and wash my mouth out several times. It was then that I realized that instead of Ribeena, a concentrated juice mix, I had grabbed Soy Sauce and mixed it with water!!!!

Oh bother!!!! That was gross! I need sleep!!!!!!

One Month

Rhys is one month old now! He's only been home for one week, but he's settled in quite nicely and we're all happy with him. It's hard to imagine that it's already been a month since he arrived. Time has flown!

We loves him long time!!! These are pictures taken the day he came home.

On July 20th, we went to some friend's house to celebrate a bunch of birthdays. It was Andy's (my brother in law) birthday on that day, as well as my Dad's on the 16th, and Andy's father's (29th) and his brother's (15th) so our families all got together for a BBQ. Who doesn't like those?

Jamie and Maricelle had their first child the same day Rhys was born, which was so neat. One hour apart too! Matthew James Santos. (yep, same middle name too!!!) He's so beautiful but double the size of my peanut!  I look like I'm holding a toddler! We had fun taking pictures with the boys beside eachother.

Rhys now weighs 6lbs 7oz. A whole pound over his birthweight! Yay! I think Matthew weighs 9lbs, just like a normal baby should! ;)

Thursday, July 17, 2008

hooked on phonics

I had to steal this off of my friend's blog.

My five-year old Grandson, Jake, is learning to read. Yesterday he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look Grandma!? It's a frickin' elephant!'

I took a deep breath, then asked, "What did you call it?"

'It's a frickin' Elephant, Grandma. It says so on the picture.'

And so it does…

' A f R I c a n

Hooked on phonics…………ain't it wonderful?

He's Here!!!

And yes! He's a BOY!!!!

It's been a while, I know. So sorry. Everyone tells me how I NEED to update my blog, but well, if they're telling me I need to then they already KNOW the news! Am I correct??? *snicker*

So where did I leave off…??? oh right, bed rest! Well, I was allowed off bed rest at week 35 and all was wonderful! Yay! Freedom! …sortof. I really did Enjoy not doing anything and being able to rest when I wanted (which was often) and not do any housework or cooking or anything. (Man! I am a sloth!!!! I admit it. *blush* ) So in that aspect, it wasn't NICE getting off bed rest, but in many other ways, it was good. I still wasn't allowed to drive though, so I needed to either wait until Jonathan got home from work or employ my lovely sister (who came anyways to check up on me) to go anywhere.

I managed to make it almost through the whole week, until at 1:30 Friday morning, my waters broke. Of course, me being who I am, wasn't convinved at first that's what it was, so I stayed in bed and thought and pondered and hobbled to the bathroom every hour just to "be sure"!!! Sometimes I thought I had peed myself, okay??? It HAPPENS, you know!!!! *sticking tongue out* At 7am, Jonathan asks me how I"m doing and such before he goes out to drop Abi off at school. I don't mention a THING to him. *teehee*blush* I was in denial, I admit it! It was Abi's very last day of school and I so badly wanted to go to the school and say goodbye to her teacher and get some pictures taken and such! Of course, that would mean that I wouldn't be able to! *pout* Jonathan called me just after he dropped her off and he was making his way to his work, I can't remember why, but I do recall making it to the kitchen phone with amniotic fluid leaking down my leg into a puddle! How embarrassing. By then I knew For Sure what it was!!! LOL My dear hunny asks if I need to go out anywhere because he has just realized he accidentally took the keys to my van with him! (oh right, that's why he called!!!) I tell him no-ooooo… trailing off. He asks what my plans were for the day, so I tell him rather sheepishly, "uhm, maybe going to the hospital today…." I'm so Strange!!!! I don't know why I do this to him!!! But hey, at least, he was the first to know, doesn't that count for something? *grin*

So I make it to the hospital, and my sister (whom I called to come along as my Labour Coach, when DH called his mom to come watch the boys for us) and hunny tell the nurses that I tend to go FAST, and so when I say I'm ready to push, I'm ready!!! LOL It's true, but still…. after a few hours of NOTHING, I felt a little silly, and was begging my body to work faster! LOL At 3pm, the doctor decided to induce me by drip since they were going to be short staffed that night and so they wanted me to go while it was all covered! I was feeling quite proud of myself b/c I was trying REAL hard to stay focused and breathe through the contractions, but by 5pm the pain was getting quite intense and I was only 3cm!!!! (oh good grief) By 5:40pm, I was checked by the doctor, who said that I was now fully dialated at 10cm!!! YIPPIE!!! of course, by then I had already guessed that b/c my body was really fighting, and I was starting to hyperventilate (how embarrassing) and I had basically tuned everyone out! (well, actually I did that at the beginning of the hour, lol) For some strange reason, that's the time the doctor decided to step OUT of the room. Why oh why do they do that? When will they learn??? So of course, he missed the whole thing!!!! sheesh! Oh well, why break tradition, right? None of my babies were delivered by a doctor! Go Nurses!!!!

Rhys James
born June 20th
17:50 hrs 5lbs 7.4oz
19" length

During the contractions, the nurses had trouble finding his pulse, so when I was checked at 5pm, the doctor put an internal wire on his head to keep check of the heartrate. I guess it went down a few times still, but it was still "okay". Which is good b/c I was starting to worry about having an emergency c-section. Could they do that while I was contracting? Did I need to be concerned about my antibody disorder? We found out after he was born just what was causing all the trouble: a knot in his cord!!!!! (according to my sis, who researched it, I had a TON of "signs" of this happening. very curious)

Rhys did well on his Apgars, but the Pediatrician noticed a poor suck and said he may have help with feeding. Sure enough, that night, he had a feeding tube put into his nose. Poor boy. By Monday (day 3), I was discharged, and Rhys was transferred to a different hospital who could care for him better. Rhys stayed at the Langley Memorial Hospital's Special Care Nursery for three weeks, which was just starting to take it's toll on me.

He is now nearing his One Month Birthday, and is at home and we are all adjusting. He's such a sweetie. Doesn't complain….much! LOL He's got bad gas and hiccups often, and I recall hearing him burp up stuff and swollow it down again, so I have a feeling he has a *bit* of Reflux. Poor boy. (if you can only have a bit! lol) I'm keeping an eye on it. I was pumping, but am already finding it hard to keep up with (I can't breastfeed b/c SOMEHOW he got thrush while in the hospital and it's not cleared up yet) so I think I'm going to just stick with Formula. I am torn though. Am I doing this out of selfishness? Am I giving up too easily? Breastfeeding is MUCH cheaper, you know! And a bit more convenient… but it depends on how you look at it too…

I can't get over how I have THREE boys!!! And most importantly, I have FOUR Children!!!! I love to watch them. They make me smile. I am so blessed!

his first hat

my Canuck, July 1st

So I hope you feel "updated" now. If I got any info wrong, I blame it on my post-pregnancy brain! LOL However, if it's wrong, chances are that I'll correct it so you won't even know anyways! *wink*

Thanks to Julie for "letting" me steal her great pics off of FB!!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I passed 33!!!

WOOT!!! (my BF taught me that word, saying it's what all the cool kids are saying now! Now I say it too. I'm so Hip to that!!!) I made it to 34 weeks. Yay go me! Yay go baby! I was told though that my bedrest doesn't technically end until the end of this week, not at the beginning like I had originally thought. :) But I'm surviving.

I didn't take a picture of me this week yet (oops) so here is a lovely one of me (when it was sunny out! lol) from last week:

Last week, Thursday, the baby dropped. I didn't feel it or anything, but I noticed it in my look! My tummy isn't as high up. I feel like I have a bit more room to breathe, which is such a nice thing! I don't feel like I've eaten three bowling balls at bedtime now! :) I've been getting major tightenings constantly, so I've been paranoid and looking up "false labor" vs "real labor", and deciding that I've only been having False Labour. (well, having the tightenings go away after a while gives it away too, lol–but it's funny how quickly you forget some things and how much you question yourself. Unless that's just me.)

Last night, things changed. I had a tummy ache and so I didn't feel like going to bed. I ended up staying up until midnight, and even though I wasn't tired, I prepared for bed. As I was in the bathroom, I got my first REAL contraction! Oh, I knew what it was! LOL I had pain in my abdomen, hips, pelvis area…. ouch! I had two more when I got to bed, but nothing after that. Phooey! I hadn't noticed any Real Contractions today either. But I recall with Kai (who is the only other child who I started out with contractions and not being induced) that it took two days from when my first contraction to when I went into full labour. I know all pregnancies are different, and I know that to be true from the three babies I've delivered, but I can't help but wonder if this baby will come this week….

34 weeks is still a bit early, but well… when you've been on bed rest for a month, you tend to forget the time and just want it to be over asap! LOL :) I had an ultrasound done last week and the technician said that the predicted weight at the time was that the baby was 5lbs 3oz! Ooh, could you imagine? Me? Having a 5 pound baby??? LOL I'm excited! Maybe things will happen soon

my neighbour made me do it!

Okay, so maybe that title isn't the most accurate. Jenny didn't MAKE me do anything, she really had nothing to do with it. …Other than giving me a ride there and back. Oh, and phoning around for places! ….I guess she's sounding less innocent now, isn't she? LOL But this was all MY idea. I have been wanting to do this since I was 14! I'm serious! That's… uhm…..well, let's just say that it's been a few years of waiting. :) (I'm such a wimp!)

Here are some pictures I took of myself with my New Look in the van. Can you guess what is different???? *wink* I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!! I have this saucy sexy look, don't I? Teehee.

Just to make it a bit easier for you……

Isn't it GREAT???? I LOVE it!!! I got it pierced on Saturday, while Jonathan was away on another fishing weekend trip! (I figured I was "allowed" to since he was gone and I've been wanting this for SO long, and I had told him of my desire…. LOL) He wasn't too impressed when he saw it, and in fact, was quite upset with me for a bit. He's okay now…but still isn't too keen. Hopefully it'll grow on him! Ah well…. we'll see. Julie screamed when she saw it! LOL! (in a good way, I'm sure!) I told her that this will just further her image of being the Good Child…since our Dad doesn't like piercings (other than ears) and still doesn't like our brother's lip ring. So I'm sure he won't totally be thrilled with my eyebrow! But well… I gave him some wonderful grandchildren, so that covers my end, hahaha!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Two More Weeks!

I saw my OB on Tuesday. She was actually there….well, she was late, but I still saw her! The receptionist didn't ask me if I was pregnant this time, phew!!! (roll eyes) The visit went well. She said that in the end, it turns out that my waters didn't rupture after all!!!! (uhm, isn't that what I said???? LOL) But I still leaked, so I'm still on Bed Rest. (well, she called it "lounging"!!!!) But just for two more weeks!!! She said that after 34 weeks, all should be fine and if I get up and Woosh, I go into labor, it's all fine, I'll likely be taking a baby home! Yay!!! She predicts that this baby is already over 4lbs….which would be so strange! Let's not get it TOO big, sheesh, I don't know if my body can actually HAVE a typical baby!!!!!! I don't know what she is basing this guestimation on… my size??? I'm measuring on target, I haven't gained much weight at all. I'm reminded that we also though Kai would be over 5lbs too….. ;) I need to see the dietician just to see if we can get my numbers tweaked, although things are looking pretty good for my Gestational Diabetes. My numbers are a little high still, but not drastic, in her opinion.

I saw my doctor at the Mat Clinic this afternoon and it was more of a "catch up" visit since I hadn't seen her in a month. She also discussed the Antibody Thing with me a bit more, which is what I was wondering she wanted to see me about. The OB tried to tell me about it. Apparently it is VERY rare (since I am Positive, not negative, in blood type) (Antibody -JKA) which is why there is practically No information out there on it! It means that this baby will likely be jaundiced (anemic), but the bigger worry is on me. If anything were to happen to me and I needed a blood transfusion, it is Imperative that they know of the antibodies as if I am given the wrong blood type (even the universal donor)….well, yeah, it's not good. The OB mentioned that I should consider getting a medic alert bracelet. I thought that was interesting. I was thinking then, "what for? I mean, if I'm only going to be pregnant for another 2-4 weeks…the bracelet won't get to me in time! And it's not like I'm left on my own much…." But then my Wonderful, Beautiful, Extremely Smart and Helpful Sister (*big grin* all true) said that she wondered if it meant that I'll have this the rest of my life. H'mm…that hadn't occurred to me (obviously) We still don't even know HOW I have this!!! The OB speculated that maybe it could've happened during a previous pregnancy…. that maybe some blood mixed? I don't know. All I know is that this is VERY RARE and there is NO info out there (that I could find). *roll eyes* only me!

My doctor mentioned that my Antibody Thing is going to be with me forever, so I'll need to get a bracelet in case I were in a car accident and needed a transfusion or something. If I'm given the wrong type of blood it would be fatal, which is a scary thought. But I don't plan on being in any accidents and needing transfusions, LOL :) She also said that I MAY need to see a pediatrician before the baby is born, but I can't remember why. I'll be seeing one after baby arrives just to keep an eye on this antibody thing and the anemia. I guess the baby could be jaundiced for longer than normal and we don't want it to reach dangerous levels. I had my blood test to check to see if my antibodies are increasing or not today. I'm not too sure what that would mean though. (UGH, I have SUCH a case of Pregnancy Brain lately!!!!)

Also, the doctor is going to let me know if she will order another ultrasound for me or not. (ooh, what fun!!!) But things are looking good. I've gained 10lbs so far, which is good but I have to see the dietician for my Gestational Diabetes.
And that was about it for the two doctor's appointments.

I still get intense Braxton Hicks daily, and sharp pains occasionally, but nothing like contractions or on a regular basis. I'm supposed to go up to the Mat Ward if I leak again, and call her if I get CX. Every night I go to bed feeling like I've swollowed a watermelon (or "waterlemon" as Kai calls them) whole. UGH! I feel sore and achey, like this could happen any time, but then another day goes by…. But Two More Weeks…!!!! Eeek! I'm happy to think this will soon be "over", and I must admit that having been told Two Weeks makes me think that's when the baby will come, because I'm silly! My Hunny seems to think I could go until 37 weeks. How cruel of him!!! :) I'm just happy if I make it past 34 weeks! After that, the baby can come anytime! :)

To be honest, being OFF Bed Rest makes me fearful. It's just that I like being lazy. I'll be honest. It fits me! :) I'm doing more stuff as the days go by, spending more time stamping and sleeping (goodness, I was so Exhausted today) and spending more "quiet" times with the boys (or attempting to) but not doing the HARD work like cleaning or important things like that. Julie has been an INCREDIBILE help for me. She has cleaned and organized so much in my house… it surprises me! I'm hoping that one day she will eventually find nothing left to clean, LOL *wink* Sometimes I feel badly about all the work she's put in and I wonder if she thinks I'm messy or dirty or gross by my bad disorganized habits, but then I tell myself that she likes to do these neurotic cleaning (really!!!) and that she's doing this out of love. And if she had those thoughts about me, she surely wouldn't tell me, LOL :) *sigh* I'm never going to be able to repay her, am I? :( I was thinking about it the other night and the Veggie Tales video "Esther" (I can't remember the whole title– preggo brain, remember?) and how Haman tells the King that he should throw a parade and put this Wonderful Man on the King's horse and have someone announce real loudly, "this is a really neat guy!" (He thought the King wanted to honor him, not his nemesis, Mordecai!!!!) ….I was thinking I should parade my sister around and shout, "This is a really neat girl!" Think she'd like that?
Anyways, I digress….what was I talking about???

Oh, right, going OFF bed rest… I'm really nervous about it b/c suddenly after 5 weeks I'll be expected to pick up on everything I haven't done? Suddenly I'll have to get up, get the kids ready and off to school, speech therapy, etc, and then pick up Abi and get dinner ready and prepare them for bedtime… plus cleaning and such… the whole thing really makes me feel Terrified. :( I don't know if I can handle it all. I'm afraid of collapsing, that I'll be too tired, that I won't be able to cope. :( So while I don't want to Over Use my sister and I really don't want this whole thing to go on forever for everyone's health & sanity and I don't want people to feel that we're taking advantage of them or expecting too much or whatnot…. *sigh* …the whole thing is a bit scary to me! The idea of having to deal with a newborn, and three very active children and a husband is starting to scare me too!!!! Eep! Maybe that's why I'm not sleeping well lately…I've got so many worries on my mind. Silly me. I should trust God that things will work out and that those who love us will continue to help out willingly where they can and be honest about their limitations.
One day at a time, right? Aside from my worries, things ARE going well. I AM still blessed.
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